The Odor of Heaven

Journal 2018

Your robes are all fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia. Ps. 45:8 ESV

We talk of the beauty of heaven and even the sounds, but seldom do I think about the anticipated smells.

I grew up in a different country than my husband. To prepare him for a visit to the land of my birth, I showed him pictures; I spoke to him in Hausa; he touched the curios I’d transported from overseas. But how could I share with him the smells of a place he’d never been to? He loathed my malodorous dadawa (fermented beans used as bouillon in tuwo da miya), but I wanted him to experience frangipani and guavas and baobab fruit. The minute he stepped onto the airline bound for Nigeria, the biggest assault to his senses was not the sights or the sounds, but the smells. I thought he’d pass out!

I can’t say that I have a favorite fragrance, but I am partial to the headiness of bread baking in the oven, the duskiness of rain approaching, or the intoxicating scent of sheets drying on a clothesline. I know little of myrrh and aloe and cassia. I can’t get excited about something I can’t relate to. The very words sound overpowering. I prefer light, fresh scents. I avoid darkly scented candles, most perfumes (including Essential oils) and heavily scented deodorants. Both my cat litter and my detergent must be unscented.

For sure, our visual capacity will increase in heaven, but will our sense of smell be different as well? I just know that there will be no malodor or distaste associated with my King’s garments. We will be drawn to it, delight in it. There will be nothing artificial or decaying or sour or bitter. It will be unlike anything we’ve ever experienced here on earth. I have no hooks on which to hang an odor I’ve never smelled before.

When we use words to describe something visual, we include a myriad of parameters: height, weight, shape, color, etc. But when we try to describe a smell, we’re reduced to one-word descriptors or similes, often connected to taste: bittersweet, salty, bland, lemony, spicy, peppery, acidic. Smells can have qualities such as delicate, overpowering, pungent, or acrid. But even those fall short when trying to describe an odor you don’t taste like pine or roses or rotting flesh.

We have associations with smell, like my mother’s cinnamon rolls, like a boy’s locker room, or like a friend’s Chanel No. 5. Our brains have smell memories—one whiff of something and we’re transported back to a time when we first experienced emotion with it. I know one MK (Missionary’s Kid) who stowed a scarf inside a sealed jar so she could pull it out occasionally to bring back her olfactory memories.

Besides a reference to His garments, I checked a concordance for other scripture references to fragrance. “Sweet smelling” is used most often in the Bible. I doubt this means sickly sweet but rather in a beautiful (a sight word), soft (tactile), pleasant sense.

  • Evil odor
  • Foul odor
  • Fragrance or pleasing aroma of Christ
  • Fragrance of His knowledge
  • Good ointments
  • Lebanon (cedar)
  • Mandrakes (wonder how they smell)
  • Of a field which Jehovah blessed: sweet
  • Of death or of life
  • Of the cloud of incense
  • Of the face like citrons
  • Of water
  • Perfume
  • Pleasant fruits
  • Pleasing odor
  • Spikenard oil
  • Sweet aromas
  • Sweet fig trees
  • The smell of battle
  • The smell of fire
  • We are a sweet fragrance to God.
  • His breath

Aroma, scent, savor, tang, reek, stench, feted, stink, and whiff—and that about exhausts the list, both in the dictionary and in the scriptures.

What’s your favorite scent and why?

A 2025 Update. This meditation is even more poignant to me after my year-long sense deprivation with COVID-19. Like a blind person who looks forward to seeing heaven’s beauty, I can’t wait to get my first deep whiff of heaven’s scents.

Passing on the tradition with my grandsons

Relationship with the God of Habakkuk

Journal 2018

In the book of Habakkuk, I read about the mighty power of the God of the universe and how He is coming to uproot and decimate wicked nations, churn the sea, flatten mountains, and cause the whole earth to go silent at His Majesty. How can I deign to have a relationship with such a deity? Surely it’s all one-sided. He holds all the power, the glory, the omniscience. I am less than an ant in his sight, powerless, useless, puny and lowly. How does an ant have relationship with a giant? Yes, Jesus came down to the ant’s level for a time, but He returned to His glory, His Majesty, His omnipotence. He is no longer bound by an earth suit.

Yet when I visualize Jesus, I see Him in earthly form. When I try to relate to Him, I don’t see Him in unapproachable light. And when I try to picture the Father, I have to bring Him down to my level of comprehension—like a compassionate grandfather figure who enfolds me in His strong arms of love and protection. I am not capable of seeing Him in all His glory. Our minds were not given that capacity to truly experience Him and the truth of His existence. I feel so … I am so …. unworthy.

I do not want to give up the intimacy of seeing God through my earthly eyes. Is it wrong to picture Him this way when, in truth, He is far beyond my capacity to imagine? There’s a tension of longing and desire to know God for who He truly is, but I don’t think the human body is capable of comprehension of the divine. I accept it by faith. I sense no judgment or condemnation for using earthly visuals to describe the infinite. Jesus did it. He’d say, “The Kingdom of heaven is like …” and then use an earthly illustration for his disciples to grasp the intangible. Jesus is like a shepherd, a door, bread for life, a friend, a brother, a king. But metaphors fall short of reality.

How do you picture God?

A 2025 Update. I recall a story I heard from the pulpit about a father who came upon his little boy hunched over his box of crayons.

“What are your drawing?” asked the father.

“I’m drawing a picture of God.”

“But no one knows what God looks like,” his dad said.

“They will when I’m done,” the boy replied.

Joyful Jesus by Jechoon Choi, https://www.dgraphicartsdesign.com/

Confession Time and God’s Time

Journal 2018

Many years ago, a missionary couple put me on their mailing list without my consent, and for some reason I resented it. I don’t even recollect why, but for years, every time their prayer letter arrived in the mailbox, I tossed it in the trash; and later by e-mail, I’d hit the delete button without reading it. Petty, I know. Every other missionary letter I received I’d read and pray through it. This morning, however, I felt the small prick of conscience when the Holy Spirit said I needed to change my attitude toward this couple.

Once a day, beginning in the New Year, I open one Christmas card, reread the sentiment and personal notes, and pray for the person who sent it. I had just confessed my sin when I picked up the next card in the stack. I laughed out loud when it turned out to be from this missionary couple. God has such a sense of humor. And later that day, for the first time, I read their e-mail newsletter and felt engaged with their ministry.

Why does it take me so long to recognize my blind spots or to acknowledge my triggers? So much wasted time, bad brain space, and lost opportunity for prayer. I’m grateful for God’s patience, love, and forgiveness.

A Chance Encounter?

Journal 2018

Yesterday I parked at our downtown library and was walking to the City Cafe for lunch when I met a little old lady on the street corner. I smiled and greeted her as I passed by, but she called after me, “Could you give me a ride home?” She lived on such-and-such a street, just .8 miles away, about a 17-minute walk if one was in good health.

“I’m 70 years old,” she declared, “And I’m tired, and people just laugh at me when I ask them, and I need money for my medicine. If you can’t help me, will you pray for me?”

I asked her a few questions. She lives alone, no family in town. Two daughters live up North who don’t speak to her. Her Social Security check doesn’t arrive till Wednesday. She needs her meds for seizures.

Yes, I’d gladly give her a ride. She looked so frail, like a slight breeze would topple her over. I urged her to sit on a nearby park bench while I walked back to the parking garage to get my car. Lunch would have to wait.

On the short drive to her house, she thanked me again and again, prattling, “I just want to tell people what God has done for me. (He’d spared her life after a major health issue.) I put up a homemade flag on my house that reads ‘God loves everybody. Amen.’ But twice people have torn it down and painted over it, and I made a third one. My apartment neighbor doesn’t like me. He won’t like it if you park in his driveway. I like to sing!”

“What’s your favorite song?” I interjected, and she burst into song, strong but wavering, “How great Thou art.” And later, “Because He lives…” And I sang along with her.

Her meds cost $25. I gave her $32, all the cash in my wallet. She burst into tears. “Now I can get my medicine! I think I’ll just sit on my porch and sing,” she said as I helped her out of the car.

“May I take your picture so I can remember to pray for you?” I asked.

With a funny little grin, her hands flew up to her frizzy hair as if to make sure she looked presentable, lifted her chin, and smiled for the camera.

Though I’ve been hoodwinked, scammed, and taken advantage of in the past, I continue to be generous to strangers if God asks me to. Sometimes I’m proactive in my ministry goals. Sometimes God simply guides my feet. I wish I’d prayed with her. I’m praying now that God will supply all her need and continue to give her courage.

A 2025 Update. Now that I’ve passed the 70-year milestone myself, I have to smile at my “little old lady” perception. I never saw her again. I never felt a nudge from the Lord to return to her house, and I sometimes wonder what happened to her.

This is my sweet friend, Grandma Vera, not the person I met downtown. But she loves to sit on her porch, and she loves to sing.

A Golden Anniversary

Journal 2025

I seldom post a current blog, but this milestone deserves to be shouted from the rooftop: We made it!

Fifty years ago today, on August 8, Scott and I vowed to stay married “through sickness and in health, through poverty and wealth, till death do us part.” We’ve had our share of health challenges, and we know what it’s like to pinch pennies as well as to enjoy abundance. But we’re not dead yet.

Our marriage had a rocky start as we came from vastly different cultures, lifestyles, and worldviews. In fact, ten years into our marriage, the pastor who did our pre-marital counseling revealed he wasn’t sure we would make it. Well, we proved him wrong!

My husband prefers bland American food, golf, Trivial Pursuit, hot tea, and talks for a living. I like spicy international cuisine, hiking, word games, coffee, and get paid to listen. He’s a night owl, a pessimist, a clutter bug. I’m a morning person, an optimist, and a minimalist. He grew up in upper-middle-class society, living in Massachusetts, New York, and Vancouver, Canada. I grew up in a mud-brick house (built by my father) in an African village. He’s a spontaneous extrovert, and I, a one-track-minded introvert.

We bonded over our transient childhoods, our mutual love of speech and drama, table games, a few TV shows, traveling, our family of course, but most of all, our faith. I knew at age 5 that I wanted a relationship with the God of my loving missionary parents. Scott met his Savior at age 21, as an adult child of two alcoholic parents. We determined on our wedding day never to threaten divorce when we had a disagreement. (I never said I wouldn’t kill him, though! 😊) Ours is a love story, but also a God-story. How else can I explain that I love this man more today than the day I married him!

Here’s to us, Honey. And, as my daddy used to say, “I wouldn’t trade you for a teddy bear!”

On Job Burnout

Journal 2007

I’m really struggling right now. I’m angry, resentful, proud, defensive, hurt, sad, and stressed. I’ve had to let go of other areas of responsibility in order to survive my teaching duties. I’ve lost my joy and peace, and I don’t know the way back. My friends say I sound depressed.

[I was teaching at a junior college whose goal was to motivate struggling students to stay in school. The administration placed great pressure on the teachers to make this happen.]

VISUAL

I’ve sidled ungracefully past the wildly swinging middle section of a tightrope, but now I’m weary, trying to stay centered. Some in the watching crowd cheer me; others boo. I want to be applauded; I want to be liked; but when a belligerent student confronts me, my hackles rise.

ANOTHER VISUAL

I am a track team coach. I can encourage the runners from the sidelines or drive the momentum from the front. But if they choose to quit running, I can’t force them to continue. Nor can I simultaneously grasp every hand and drag them forward. While I’m helping one, others lag behind. I urge them to help each other, but it’s not enough. Complaining the race is too hard, many keep stepping off the track, distracted by illness, winter weather, or family stressors. Others continue to run but get lost and wander off into the marshes. Some are so far behind they’ll never catch up.

Meanwhile, my boss yells at me that I’m not trying hard enough. It’s my fault if I don’t provide their running shoes, hold their hands, and stay with them till the sun goes down.

And me? I’m wearing myself out trying to be in multiple places at once. I’m running 16 hours a day to keep the pace for the motivated student runners while racing back and forth to grab the laggers. I hear my boss yelling in one ear, and the runners wheezing and gasping in the other. The front runners complain that I’m spending too much time in back, and the ones in back complain I’m out front too much. I’m angry, tired, discouraged and ready for the finish line.

A THIRD VISUAL

I’m a spelunking tour guide. To those in my assigned group who follow closely enough to hear, I point out the beauty of the stalactites along the way. I can wait for a few stragglers to catch up before I begin lecturing, but if they linger in the back, talking and not listening, that’s on them. Or if they turn back to the entrance of the cave, I have to let them go. It’s not my fault if they are physically incapable of keeping up. I can provide a wheelchair, but unless they get someone else to push them, they’re stuck. I already have six people in my group who need wheelchairs! My job is to keep lecturing and keep pointing the way with my flashlight.

I become discouraged when I discover that only 8 to10 out of my original 20 make it to the beautiful waterfall at the end of the cave. The stragglers have missed it!

Now that I’m finished ranting, I’m ready to listen to the Lord.

THE LESSON

I am at fault. I have not bathed my classes in prayer. I have not prayed for my students by name. I have not consistently blessed my classroom. I’ve been too tired, distracted, and preoccupied to give it all over to God. I keep griping and crying that it’s too hard, too impossible a task that God has required of me. (Hmm. I sound like my students!)

And so, I repent for neglecting my spiritual disciplines. I can’t keep the students on track if I don’t have the right focus.

I realize, now, that it’s the company’s responsibility, not mine, to make sure the spelunkers sign a waiver saying they are physically and mentally fit for the journey BEFORE they enter the cave. Now that I understand it’s not my fault and that I’m doing all I can, what do I do with those in wheelchairs that the company requires me to get safely back to the entrance? I’m afraid the students will have to wait there alone in the pitch-blackness until we send for help. That’s when I notice permanent low lights lining the path. They will be safe for now.

A 2025 Update. I understand the passion behind wanting to help students succeed, but I’m not sure pressuring the teachers was the best motivation. This school is no longer in existence, and I am no longer teaching.

Approaching Burnout

Journal 2018

I can feel my mind and body edging toward burnout. It’s been an intense people- as well as project-oriented month. I need an entire day of alone time, but that’s not about to happen anytime soon.

VISUAL

I see a large room densely filled with high-energy party people. The noise is deafening. I’d prefer to stay outside, under the stars, alone and quiet. Sometimes that’s necessary, sometimes that’s possible. But I need to work through what it feels like to have to open the door and enter even when my reserves are gone.

Jesus says to sit with Him first. Outside.

I can do that. A pond in front of our park bench reflects the moon. It’s quiet, peaceful. I don’t want to talk or think or plan or look at a clock or a calendar.

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LATER

I spent all my free time reading a novel, guilt-free, no agenda, no thinking, just resting. I’m doing better but still craving more down time.

My mind continually goes to the Apostle Paul. What he endured is astounding. How did he physically survive all the persecution and emotional trauma? How did he not crack under the pressure? Was his drivenness from his temperament or from his experience? I feel like such a wimp next to this giant in the faith.

As I write this, I recognize false guilt: I believe I’m inferior, less than, a gnat next to a giant.

Jesus says, “Why are you comparing yourself to Paul? Why not to Me?”

My head wants to say, “Impossible,” but my heart wants to snuggle up next to Him and accept His unconditional love.

I feel His gentle rebuke. “What is Paul to you? I have different plans for different people. Do not take on what is not yours.”

It’s time to let that one go. I can learn from Paul, from his triumphs and mistakes, but I must keep my eyes on Jesus.

ANOTHER VISUAL

The visual changes as the Apostle Paul and I are now the same height, mere mortals obeying our Master. One is not inferior or superior, except in our choices. I may make wise or foolish choices based on the hand that’s been dealt me. I will not pout or gloat if I win or lose a game if I play it the best I know how with hints from the Master Dealer. Just play the hand smartly, take some risks or play it safe. But most of all, play graciously. Let my mistakes go, but learn from my faux pas and don’t repeat them. And do not get jealous if someone gets more wild cards than I do or if I get none at all. Play fair and without complaining and enjoy the game.

Thoughts on Jude

Journal 2017

According to Jude verse 1, the author is writing to “those who have been called, who are loved by the Father, kept by Jesus Christ.” Yet with strong and powerful metaphors, Jude spends the majority of his book pointing out evil people (false prophets and teachers) who are destined for destruction.

I have a hard time relating to this book because I don’t have much personal contact with evil people. In my ministry, I meet with those who are broken—often because of evil people in THEIR world.

I have great compassion for those who are hurting and want help. But Jesus died for the false prophet, the Hitlers, the Pharisees, and even the perpetrators. The invitation is to all. All are invited, all may come to the Feast of Love, but some by choice reject the invitation. God says he resists the proud. He loves his creation enough to die for us all, but he is intolerant of willful refusal to accept his invitation. I cannot judge men’s hearts, but I can certainly see their deeds and hear their words. Jude called them out and said they were ripe for destruction and hell, as were Sodom and Gomorrah.

I’d rather meditate on verses 20-22 that urge me to build others up, pray in the Holy Spirit, keep myself in God’s love as I wait for His return, and be merciful to those who doubt.

The verse I respond to the most is the glorious doxology in verse 24. He’s able to keep me from stumbling. He will present me faultless before his glorious presence. Glory, majesty, power, and authority are ascribed to Christ alone, past, present and future. Amen and amen.

God’s Judgment

Journal 2017

… His wrath can flare up in a moment. Blessed are all who take refuge in Him. (Psalm 2:12 NIV)

Here’s my visual for this verse: God is a fire-breather. If you’re “out there,” you’ll get zapped, but if you stay close to his heart, you are safe and protected.

The thought of God’s judgment is slightly terrifying to me: facing the Judge of the Universe to discover how many words, thoughts and deeds didn’t make it through His refining fire. It’s not like coming before the school principal with whom you have no relationship. It’s more like coming before your dad when you’ve misbehaved.

And yet, since our sins are covered and forgiven, the judgment for the believer is more like a lack of rewards, not punishment. “Not guilty,” the Father has declared. I do not need to fear or dread His coming judgment.

Regret will be punishment enough, I think. The question for me is, did I obey God’s commands to love Him and to love others?

Keep me close to your heart, dear Lord. Let me not stray far from Your embrace.

A 2025 Update. After reading Imagine Heaven by John Burke, my heart relaxed. Burke “compares more than one hundred gripping stories of near-death experiences (NDEs) to what Scripture says about our biggest questions of Heaven.” He suggests that our life review before Almighty God will not be filled with shame (my default when I disobey Him), but rather an understanding about my choices.

Caught in the Act

Journal 2006

The other day I made a disparaging remark about someone, turned around, and there she stood! I don’t know if she heard me or not. I pray she didn’t. But I felt awful. I can’t apologize to her since I don’t know if she heard me, for if she didn’t, it would only make things worse.

You’d think I’d learn not to say negative things about people or put others down behind their backs. If I only spoke words that I would say in front of them, I wouldn’t get caught red-handed (I wonder where that expression comes from?*). God forgive me!

Lord, help me remember to keep my mouth shut! And show me how to release the guilt.

A 2025 Update. What I’ve discovered is that when I have negative thoughts toward a person, there’s always a negative emotion beneath the words. It is always best to work through what I’m feeling before I open my mouth. But when I do slip up, I try to give myself grace and thank the Lord for revealing another unhealed place in my heart.


*Here are two claims for the origin of “caught red-handed.” Most sources say the red refers to blood, but I prefer the one about strawberry jam!

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The Origin of “Caught Red-Handed”

Caught Red-handed – Meaning & Origin Of The Phrase