The Dilemma: Shechem, the son of Hamor the Hivite, defiles Dinah, the daughter of the Patriarch Jacob. (Genesis 34)
Man’s Solution: Simeon and Levi (Dinah’s brothers) decide to avenge the wrong. They deceive Shechem and the leaders in the city, kill all the males, and along with Jacob’s other sons, seize all the plunder, including women and children. (As an aside, I find it interesting that it’s Levi, the future priestly line, who avenges. A strong sense of justice and fairness becomes imbalanced.)
It seems that God allowed for vengeance in the Old Testament (an eye for an eye), even though the Mosaic Law had not been given yet. Yet murder is not an equal retribution for rape. If only the brothers had asked God what to do, He could have brought judgment on Shechem, and his blood wouldn’t have fallen on the brothers’ heads.
God’s Solution: Jacob is now scared of retribution, and God answers that fear. He instructs Jacob to move to Bethel (where he first met God at the ladder to heaven) and to build an altar. (Genesis 35:1).
Man’s Response: The Scripture doesn’t say God instructed Jacob to get rid of idols. Maybe He did say it, or maybe Jacob is taking the final step of obedience and loyalty to His God. Remember that Rachel (Jacob’s favorite wife) had taken her father’s idols when they fled Paddan Aram. I also suspect the women and children whom the brothers captured from Shechem’s town also brought idols with them. Nonetheless, Jacob instructs all his household to give him all their idolatrous paraphernalia (which he buries) and to purify themselves and put on fresh garments—outward symbols of an inward change of heart.
God’s Response: When Jacob obeys, God protects. “The terror of God fell on the towns all around them so that no one pursued them” (Genesis 35:5 NIV).
My Response: When I’ve been wronged, it’s easy to believe that taking vengeance into my own hands will make me feel better. But “Vengeance is mine,” says the Lord (Deuteronomy 32:35). His retribution is fair and just and better than anything I can dream up.* Best to let those feelings go and face my pain.
I may take many detours in life, responding with poor choices, but I’m safest in the place where God dwells, in obedience, and in purity.
*I’ll never forget the day I was working with a D.I.D. client. When Jesus asked one of her Little Ones if she’d let HIM punish her perpetrator instead, her eyes got big. “He be in big trouble!” she exclaimed.
Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same mass (lump) one vessel for beauty and distinction and honorable use, and another for menial or ignoble and dishonorable use? (Romans 9:21 AMPL)
The correct response to this question is yes, of course, the potter (in this context, God) has this right. But if you’re like me, you might struggle with accepting it. If I have given God the right to my life, am I willing to be a Ming vase with all its beauty and value? A cooking vessel that takes a lot of heat? Or a serviceable, smelly chamber pot?
And so, I ponder what kind of pottery He created me to be. I think He’s chosen me to be a water vessel—a practical, no frills, serviceable carrier of Living Water to those who are thirsty. Sometimes it’s a heavy load to bear—until I realize I’m not the one who’s supposed to transport it. My shape and size are created for the task He’s given me. All I need to do is be faithful. Daily. Hourly. And if He chooses to form my sister into a Ming vase or my friend into a chamber pot, that is His business. He knows what every person should be—all for His glory and purpose.
What kind of vessel do you think He made you? Are you at peace with His choice?
I’m too busy. Important details are slipping through my fingers. I’m worried over finances (first the washing machine died, then the compressor on the upstairs air conditioning unit quit, and now the car needs a new muffler). I’m worried over my daughters’ needs, over my health, sleep, and eating habits, over other people’s health, over ministry needs.
I haven’t been at peace for a while. When circumstances go awry or when things spin out of control, is my response always a trigger from the past? Or can it be a new situation? It’s a tangled mess right now. Where to begin to lay it on the altar?
Sometimes it’s simply a choice. And today my choice it to hand God my worry.
My ship floats in a sea of God’s love and care, but in my ship dwell all my cares and concerns. When life comes at me one bundle at a time, I can deal with each in turn and move on. But when the bundles continue to compile, my stress elevates, and my ship sinks deeper into the water. There aren’t too many choices: throw some of the bundles overboard, climb to the top and enjoy the view, or sink with the ship. This could be akin to burnout, and I don’t want to go there.
This weekend was the last bundle to pile on top. Was it from God to test me or simply an opportunity to minister to one of God’s children?
My husband’s name is listed in the phone book under clergy, and we get periodic pleas for help from random strangers. One time I was able to pray with a lady for an hour. Usually, I refer them to the church office. This time it was Saturday, church office closed, when I got a call from Gerry, a 62-year-old homeless Christian widow who was stranded near us and afraid to get on the highway with her car leaking fluid. I invited her to spend the night. It broke my heart not to be able to help her more, but I couldn’t take on one more thing. If I’m feeling this much stress, I cannot even begin to fathom what she goes through on a daily basis to survive.
Was I foolish to take her in? Was she merely working the system to get what she wants? I gave her what I could—a bed and meals, laundry, a hot shower, and a phone card. But I wanted to give her more. I wanted to pray with her intensively to heal a few hurts, but I don’t think she was ready for that yet. I listened, I didn’t judge her, I held her, and I prayed for her. What more did You want from me, Lord? She was a bundle I had to gently place overboard and trust her to God’s care.
Gerry told me a Catholic Father, responsible for his flock, went to bed each night praying, “God take care of Your sheep; I’m going to sleep.” That’s profound. God, take care of my friend Gerry. I need to take care of my family now.
When do you come to the place where you say no to someone’s plea for help? I have control over who I schedule to pray with. It’s a steady stream, usually not too much, but right now, it’s too much. With two graduations, a senior show, and a reception to prepare for, I feel swamped. I feel like climbing out of the boat and swimming in God’s love for a while. I need a spiritual bath.
Now I see barnacles of pride and sin and anger cemented to the bottom of my boat. I must chip them off, break the bonds that hold them in place, and let them float away.
Next day. My boat has suddenly sprung a leak. It appears that our house guest stole my credit card. I called to cancel the card and filed a police report. I feel sad for Gerry. I was taken advantage of. I gave her dollars I could ill afford to give her, and she stole from me. I could be angry, bitter, hateful, revengeful. Instead, I feel sorrow for her. Would I do the same were I in her shoes? Perhaps. Lord, take care of my friend Gerry. I believe she’s Your child. She believes You’re punishing her for her divorce.
That night. Shame-faced, I found my credit card in the pocket of my housecoat—right where I put it yesterday. Lord, help me. Were you protecting me from some future fraud through this incident? What’s going on here? What lesson are You trying to teach me? You’ve just restored my faith in human beings. God, forgive me. I falsely accused an innocent person. Lord, please protect her from false arrest.
Why does money drive everything here on earth? A homeless person struggles for daily bread and survival next to the millionaire who lives in luxury. Money can mean survival or demise. Why do we hang onto it so tightly? Or let it go so easily? What happened to the trusting nature of my childhood? Have I seen too much now of how the other half lives? Is it because I don’t feel in control of what I do have? I’m living in a very stable condition now, but life is so uncertain. You can build a business for a lifetime and then lose it in one disaster. What exactly am I afraid of? What are my worries? How do I let go?
A 2025 Update. Shortly after this, we removed Scott’s title “Reverend” from our phone listing, and the calls stopped. Was that a good decision?
I don’t remember how I processed through this visual, but I realize now that the more bundles I carried, the deeper I sank into God’s love, and that’s not a bad thing. I may not have been in control of the bundles of life’s circumstances, but what didn’t belong and what made it worse was the weight of my worry and the unholy barnacles. I also learned through this incident that I cannot rescue everyone. I am not meant to do God’s job.
Yesterday was a test of endurance. Three people called to unload their woes on me. Then last night I didn’t know that our middle daughter was coming home to spend the night, and I could hear her rattling around the house till 2:30 a.m. At 4:30 a.m. I heard a terrific cat fight. Since K-C is an indoor cat, I didn’t think much of it, but the noise fully woke me, and I got up because I was hot. That’s when I discovered the back door was ajar and the porch light was on. The neighbor cat shot out the door leaving his sprayed male scent and fur on the floor and a terrorized K-C. For the next seven hours I tried to return to sleep without success. I was burned out from the night before, trying to get ready to teach my first class.
K-C did not last long at our house!
I think I handled the first interruption okay, worse with the second, but by the third, I just gave up and gave in. I had to quit thinking and start preparing for the class and wing it with what was left in me.
I need a Sabbath day of rest! One month with family, holidays, company, starting a new job, and driving our youngest to college leaves me with no downtime. I want to be a little bird, soaring on the wind, or a duck peacefully floating on a warm pond with the breeze ruffling my feathers. I want to be a cat, content to curl up in my mistress’s lap and go to sleep, knowing my needs will be met. I want to jump onto the highest counter to escape the world and survey the humans below. But when I do, I see the mess the world is in. Too much pain, heartache, and stress, and my world has been crazily spinning out of control, off on tangents instead of staying on its axis.
Peaches, our current feline
Am I crazy to take on a teaching job again? What was I thinking? But the offer dropped in my lap after I asked God to supply our needs. He’ll have to help me juggle my time. I’m through worrying about it. Meanwhile, how to get my body rested and my mind to relax … I’ve been on a treadmill for too long, and I need to get off. I’ll have to WORK at resting!
I need balance. Demands or requests for my time from other people collide with my to-do list. Are interruptions always about God’s timing? Are they sometimes Satan’s interference? How does one discern which it is? I know that people need to come before things in my priorities, but what if the “thing” is a service for someone?
When someone calls, for example, wanting prayer, do I stop what I’m doing to minister to them? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. If I’m on my way to a meeting at church and I get a phone call, do I forgo my small group time or, like last night my commitment to nursery duty, to process with this person? No, I can say a quick prayer for them and urge them to make an appointment. It’s okay to manage my time.
On the other hand, like today, I was at home preparing for my class when I got three phone calls that interrupted me—each needing a listening ear. One I gave my full attention to; the second only half-heartedly, and the third I put off till later. Should I have done that? I burned out by the end of the day. Had I rested long enough from my work to minister and pray, I might have gotten more work done.
A 2025 Update. I learned better balance from my days of imbalance. I learned that your crisis is not my emergency. I learned to listen to my body and, most of all, my emotions that drove that imbalance. It’s better to be at peace than to have to pick up the pieces.
After Moses finally agreed to obey God, return to Egypt, and ask Pharaoh to let God’s people go, Pharaoh refused and made things worse for the Israelites. And Moses began to whine to God:
WHY have You dealt evil to this people?
WHY did You ever send me?
YOU haven’t delivered your people at all.
If God commands, and I obey, and things get worse before they get better, this is normal. Perseverance, endurance, and overcoming all require faith—especially when it gets darker.
When I’m in pain or distress, it’s hard to hear the Lord’s voice. Often my first response is to blame God for my predicament. After all, He’s the King of the Universe, capable of stopping it. But when I’m angry or belligerent, God rarely answers the question “Why?” Instead, He defends His character. “You are ignorant, O foolish man. I am the all-knowing. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I pray that in my hour of trial I will be an overcomer and remain faithful and not accuse Him of withholding His love. I feel so weak. It’s easy to trust God when there’s food on the table and my health is good.
Moses’ Anger
I wonder what ticked off Moses. Was he taking on the burdens of the people he was supposed to free? Was he mad that Pharoah wouldn’t heed his warning or obey his bidding? God doesn’t tell Moses His whole plan. He only reveals one plague at a time, and each time Moses probably thinks, “Okay. NOW he’ll let us go.” Did Moses take on the responsibility of making Pharoah budge? And when he wouldn’t, did it make him mad? I can sure identify with that! I’d like to see a few people budge!
So how do I respond when I don’t get my way? Can I trust that God has the situation under control? That He can move in the hearts of men to accomplish His will?
Moses’ Worry
God gave Moses a huge responsibility: lead a million people through a desert with no water, no food, and only armed with a memory full of miracle experiences. Everyone who had a problem came to him for a solution. What a heavy burden! Did God give him daily advice? Or did He only speak at the big crunch times?
Where do I turn when the tough times come? I can work hard to build my resources and slip backward. I can sit back and not work yet move forward. I could lose my health, my home, or my livelihood without warning. Is God on the throne if a tornado wipes us out? If the breadwinner dies?
When it happens to someone else, it’s just a story. When it happens to me . . .
Worry is a large, tangled ball of string with fear at its core. How do I get through that energy field of worry, through the tightly woven string ball to face my fear and replace it with peace?
These words startle me. They challenge the popular teaching that God wants everyone healed.
I’m really struggling today with my arthritis. I can tolerate the pain in my hands and feet but find it difficult to cope with the back pain and tightening muscles. I don’t want to be all-consumed with the body, yet it’s the vehicle for the soul to function. Do I just accept what’s happening, or do I seek help? Everybody I talk to has his or her pet remedy or solution. I need a diagnostic tool, but most of all, I need God’s guidance.
Can my infirmity bring more glory to Him than my healing? Is there something He wants to teach me in this situation that I could not learn another way?
AI-generated
A 2025 Update. I’m delighted to report the arthritis is gone! But that’s a story for another day.
God said to Moses, “Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say” (v. 12).
When God tells me to do something, He will give me the tools to accomplish His assigned task.
In another incident, due to his wife Zipporah’s influence, Moses opposed God when he refused to circumcise his son, and God almost killed him. But the fear of losing her husband won over the distaste of the sight of blood, and Zipporah herself performed the surgery!
When God wants something done, He’ll make it happen, but how much better to cooperate with Him the first time He asks! Don’t try to out-manipulate God. He’s smarter and wiser. He’ll always win in the end.
Moses murdered an Egyptian. After the deed, he felt fear—fear of being found out. I wonder how he felt when the words, “Thou shalt not kill” appeared on the tablets of stone. Did he feel guilt? Remorse?
Sometimes I’m more concerned about being discovered than repenting of my sin. Words I’ve said in anger behind someone’s back leave me unrepentant till I’m found out by the one I slandered. Shame at my misdeed leads me to repentance.
I wonder if God’s original plan was for Moses to release the Israelites from bondage while he was still serving in Pharoah’s court. Perhaps the murder incident delayed God’s plan while He worked on Moses’ character.
God’s plan cannot be thwarted by man’s plan, but man can sure mess up God’s best or original plan! God lets us go our way until we see the error of our ways, and then He creatively works “all things for good.”
I wonder what difference it would make to our beliefs if we could see all the choices and various paths we could take in life. Would we believe sooner? Be more cautious of our words? Choose any more wisely? Every choice we make in life—every single step, word, or deed impacts us, the world, and others forever.
For example, if on Tuesday at 9 a.m. I choose to go to the grocery store, and I see a child being verbally abused by his mother, my simple smile could be the moment that freezes kindness and encouragement into that child’s life. And forty years later, God may bring that memory back to him and give him a safe place in his mind to start the healing process. Sound far-fetched? I don’t think so. If God ordained this event from the foundation of the world, and He is the One who prompts me to get groceries at 9 a.m. instead of at 10 a.m., then His plan is fulfilled.
AI-generated
But what if Satan sends a phone call that delays me by two minutes, and I miss this little encounter? Is God’s plan thwarted? I don’t think so. Perhaps He’ll send another person. Perhaps He’ll delay the mother too. Check. Checkmate. God wins!
Another checkmate example. When Moses argues with God that he’s incapable of doing what God asks, Moses gets his way—he doesn’t have to speak before Pharoah. But God gets His way when He chooses an alternate spokesperson: his brother Aaron.
Has my doubt or denial or stubbornness ever thwarted God’s best for me? Yes. But He still gets His will accomplished even though I may lose out on the best plan for me. Why is man’s heart so unbelieving? I piously think, given the circumstances, I would have been a Joshua or a Caleb or a Joseph or a Mary or an Esther. But in reality, I’m probably more like Moses.
A new member has recently joined a committee on which I serve, and already Satan has been at work in our midst to try to destroy our unity. It’s a wonder that any group ever gets anything accomplished! We’re all wounded people, each with different personalities and backgrounds and agendas. And to meld a group in unity is surely a God-thing!
It takes all kinds of spices on the spice rack to flavor food. Each of us, individually, carry our own mix of spices, giving us a unique flavor. When certain flavors mix together, the dish becomes richer. Some people are a good fit for each other. But when other flavors are blended, you get bitterness or strangeness. And sometimes we have to get used to a new taste.
I think I have a little too much pepper and not enough sugar in my personality. But then, maybe pepper and sugar don’t belong in the same dish. Perhaps I’m lemon, not pepper. If lemon is too tart, it puckers the mouth. And if there’s too much sugar added, it doesn’t leave the palate with a satisfying tang. I sometimes wish I had a sweeter personality or a less serious one. And so I learn to accept the spice that God has assigned to my temperament, and I give Him permission to add the flavor (life experiences) to balance me out.
A 2025 Update. Sadly, the committee eventually disintegrated. I suspect the new member had some toxins in her jar that left a bitter aftertaste when mixed with other spices.
I have a one-track mind that struggles to manage multiple, simultaneous crises. At one time I aspired to become a medical doctor until I realized I didn’t have the multi-tasking skills needed for that profession. The positive side to this super-power is I can focus on a task to completion. Unfortunately, I get frustrated at interruptions, finding it hard to pull my mind away from the zone.
As I’m concentrating on a task, I’m not thinking about God. When I’m worshiping God, I find it distracting to be around people. And while I’m with people, I can’t center on my inner needs. How do I balance these areas of focus and release my feelings of worry and guilt that I’m “less than”?
So here’s my visual: With my heart in the middle, my feet perform a task, my arms reach out to minister, and my head looks up to God. When I look within, I focus on self—adjusting and changing, making goals, and removing triggers. When I look outward, I focus on relationships and the needs of others.
So, in my visual, it’s okay to be seated (feet still, no task) while I reach out to minister to others. The body is still there, whether my mind is focusing on it or not. When I watch my feet, my senses can still be alert, aware of changes in the environment that will warn me of danger. The parts are all inter-related, still in existence even if my eyes are focusing on one part only. The rest of me doesn’t go away.
So how do I find balance? Should I tithe my time? (That would mean focusing solely on God 2.4 hours in a 24-hour period or 1.6 hours if I only count waking hours). How much time should I allot to self-examination? (As much as necessary, I think, to become emotionally healthy.) If my arms are always engaged in ministry, my feet (tasks) don’t get done. If my head always faces the sky, my feet will trip. Each part must take turns. The trick is to maintain an equilibrium between the parts.
But I must not become too compartmentalized. I can focus on each in rapid succession. Micro-seconds of looking up while engaging my hands or feet will give me orientation. Checking my attitude while ministering to others is necessary. I might not be able to stop for self-care in the moment, but I certainly can take note of it and deal with it at my first opportunity.
A 2025 Update. Over time, I worked through the anger I felt at my tasks being interrupted. I find I can more quickly redirect my attention to others or return to the zone and refocus on my task without anxiety or shame. Being one-track-minded is not a character flaw.
In the news this week: the head of a national Christian organization falls from grace after preaching about moral failure. I’ve been thinking about how preachers (okay, I’ll make it personal—how I) tend to protest too much or preach the loudest about the very thing I struggle with.
This reminds me of the time Scott and I were staying at a hotel in North Carolina when the fire alarm screamed in the middle of the night. Scott took his time getting out the door. He wanted to get dressed first, go to the bathroom, and find his wallet. He said he saw no smoke and felt no heat, so he wasn’t worried.
I, on the other hand, panicked and urged him to flee immediately. I had visions of us perishing in the fire together if I waited for him, thus leaving our children to fend for themselves as orphans. It was a double-bind: follow my husband’s lead and die together or follow my instincts and run? My choice was to leave without him and let him come at his leisure. But as I descended the third flight of stairs, guilt set in that I had abandoned him, and I slowed my pace. Why wasn’t he catching up to me? Did he have a heart attack? Did his bad knees give way? Did he need my assistance?
What I didn’t know was that we had each chosen a different stairway to descend. In the end, we both got to safety—even though there was no danger from a fire. It was a false alarm.
If I had to do it over again, I think I’d wait for Scott. In fact, the next time it happened, this time in Chattanooga, we took our time and went down together (yup, another false alarm).
So how does this story relate to the fallen preacher? We all need transparency and accountability in our struggles. We’re safer when we do life together.
A 2025 Update. As I read back over this entry, I admit I’m not sure about my conclusion in this double bind. Was I really safer waiting for Scott? I don’t know, but I do know it felt less stressful to stay together.
In the Pursuit of Peace 