Tag Archives: Fashion

Outward Appearances

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, Peace

Journal 2006

I was self-assured in my childhood about my clothing choices until someone remarked negatively about an outfit. Then self-consciousness set in, not unlike Adam and Eve who were content until the serpent catapulted them into self-awareness—and then they felt shame.

I was coerced recently into watching an Oprah show where interviewers accosted ladies on the street and told them how awful their bras were and how terrible their clothing styles were. Made-for-TV drama. I could have socked the accosters who freely handled and lifted the strangers’ bosoms. Why would anyone get a thrill out of changing a person’s bra size?

Now, I’m not against looking nice, but the danger was that I suddenly became self-aware and others-aware. I sat in our ladies’ small-group Bible study last night and found myself looking around the room at cup sizes and positions and bra fits. And value and judgment suddenly rested on who did it “right.”

I also noticed a friend’s clothes yesterday. The style went against everything Oprah said she should wear, and I considered saying something to her. Really?! Where does Oprah get her clout? Why do the people on her show get to establish the standard for my friend?

What we wear often reflects what those in our circle are wearing. When tapered jeans were “in,” my daughters pled with me to get rid of my straight-legged ones. How uncouth, gauche, and unsightly! Well, guess what? Now I’m not only fashionable in my wide jeans, but we’re told they are better for the figure because they make the hips look smaller! So tapered jeans are now definitely “out.”

Years ago “over-sized” was in. Today, it’s the tighter the better. (Personally, I prefer the big—it hides a multitude of bulges!)

Another skewed value in America is the drive to look younger and thinner. In some other cultures, value is assigned by age or wisdom, and wealth is determined by plumpness—meaning you have enough food to eat. Maybe I’m living in the wrong culture.

All this attention to outward appearances makes me tired. The focus is all wrong. What I wear and how I wear it begins to determine my value in my circle—be it home or church or at the grocery store. How do I return to unselfconscious and dress according to my personal preferences? How do I quit judging, sizing up, assigning value to someone based on their outward appearance? I want to be confident enough in myself to dress in a way that self disappears. Self-conscious means I think more about I instead of you. And I instead of God.

The missing ingredient here is relationship. I think the reason we ladies were aghast at the behavior of the accosters on the show was because they violated strangers’ personal space. If a friend had spinach in her teeth, I would tell her. I would want her to do the same for me. And if a trusted friend kindly pointed out that my dress was frumpy, I’d take it to heart. But if I’m criticized for my shoes, and my choice is based on comfort for arthritic feet, no matter what your opinion is, the ability to walk supersedes style for me. But it still makes me sad that I’m being judged for not keeping up with fashion.

I suspect when someone cares how I look, it’s more a reflection on how it makes THEM feel. Maybe I should feel sad for the critiquer because she is driven by something unfulfilled in her own soul.

2024 Update. It’s interesting to look back at my younger self and see what triggers made me obsess. I may still notice today what other ladies are wearing, but I can do so without judgment. I’m comfortable with my choices now. As my sister says, “I’m too old to worry about that anymore.”

My sweet parents and Grandpa Peterson
My early fashion role models!

Fashion Rebellion

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, God, Inner Healing

Journal 2016

I have been rebelling against fashion since I was in junior high boarding school. While girls were begging to wear shorter skirts, I insisted on lowering my hems. One day in home economics class we learned what colors supposedly looked good together. Apparently orange and pink was a no-no (this was before the crazy ’70s entered the scene). One of my classmates dared me to put together a clashing skirt/blouse combo and wear it to breakfast that morning. I felt proud that I had enough guts to go against established rules of fashion and confident enough in who I was to pull off the faux pas.

But, to my chagrin, one of the Aunties pulled me aside to inform me that my wardrobe choice was a less than desirable combination of colors.

“How could she think so little of me?” I thought indignantly. Even when I told her that I wasn’t ignorant, that it was done on a dare, the damage in my soul was done. I felt embarrassed where before I felt confident.

I take this emotion to Jesus, and He smiles.

“Why are You smiling?” I ask.

“I love that you have self-confidence to be who you are. Never mind the Auntie. She didn’t know. She was simply trying to be helpful. Wear whatever you choose—with confidence.”

I wish I’d known this the year we were on furlough for my junior year of high school. Someone kindly donated their rejects to the poor missionary barrel, and I ignorantly donned a dress that apparently was out of style. One ill comment, and I never wore it again.

What I choose to wear reflects who I am, and to which master I serve. I want to be confident in who God made me to be.

A 2024 Update. Admittedly, I still have poor fashion sense and find it helpful to take a daughter along with me to shop for clothes—though I maintain the power of veto. I tend to follow my mother’s advice: wear only what’s comfortable.

I made this dress in 1975. This really was in style then!

The Nonsense of Fashion

Posted on by under Choices

From my 2015 Journal. I have been rebelling against fashion since I was in junior high. When girls at my boarding school were begging to wear shorter skirts, I insisted on lowering my hems. One day in Home Economics class we discussed what colors complemented each other. Apparently wearing orange and pink together was a no-no (We hadn’t hit the psychedelic 70s yet). And so, on a dare from my roommate, I agreed to put together a skirt/blouse combo that clashed and to wear it to breakfast that morning.

I was proud of the fact that I had enough guts to go against established “rules of fashion” and be my own person. I felt confident enough in who I was to pull off the dare. But, to my chagrin, one of the Aunties pulled me aside to inform me that what I was wearing was a less than desirable combination of colors.

I felt indignant. How could she think so little of me? Even when I informed her that I wasn’t ignorant, that it was done on a dare, the damage in my soul was done. I felt embarrassed where before I felt confident.

I take this emotion to Jesus, and He smiles.

“Why are You smiling?” I ask.

“I love that you have self-confidence to be who you are. Never mind the Auntie. She didn’t know. It was her motherly-instruction side coming out. Wear whatever you choose—with confidence.”

But then I remember what it was like when my own girls entered junior high. Suddenly I was being compared to “cool” mothers who dressed fashionably while my girls were feeling mortified that their mom was stuck in the Dark Ages. “She grew up in Africa,” seemed to excuse away my ignorance, though truthfully I had fully embraced my mother’s mantra “comfort before fashion” and “inner beauty is more valuable than outward clothing.”

Today, after getting a better handle on my temperament and how I’m wired, I realize my fashion choices are really less about my upbringing, and more about being comfortable with who I am. I still admit to ignorance about what’s in or out. My daughter Sharon says it’s because I don’t really care, and perhaps she’s right. But since I don’t want to appear like I just stepped off the boat, I usually take her or a trusted friend along when I go clothes shopping (though I maintain the right of refusal if their tastes are too far removed from mine).

Like most Missionary Kids felt when they returned to their passport country, I preferred not to look like a total misfit.  I’ll never forget the lime-green, cast-off dress donated to me by some well-meaning soul during one furlough. How was I to know that my peers would whisper about it behind my back?

Does what I wear offend you? Do you think less of me for it? What I choose to wear reflects who I am—and if I like who I am, that’s what’s important. Stand tall, stand “proud.” Be confident in who God made you to be. (P.s. in Michigan it’s acceptable to wear socks with sandals. Just sayin’.)

Sandals 2