Tag Archives: Relationships

Jesus, Aged 12

Posted on by under Emotions, God, Motherhood, Scripture

Journal 2020

The story of Jesus in the temple at age 12 (Luke 2:41-52) has always left me feeling uneasy with more questions than answers. Where did Jesus sleep each night for five nights? Did someone invite Him home with them after dark? How did He get food? Did He even eat? Did He have enough money in His pocket? Where did the crowds go without any port-a-potties?

How did Mary and Joseph feel? One day to travel toward home, one day back, search for three days. Not only had they missed out on five days’ worth of work back home, but they’d misplaced the Son of God! This mother’s heart would have vacillated between fear and anger, between trusting God that He would take care of His Son, and relief that He was safe. And if Jesus weren’t considered a man, she’d be tempted to give Him His first whipping for being so uncaring, irresponsible, and self-centered. “How could you do this to us?” she cried.

I wonder if Mary’s faith grew ten times that day, or if she became triggered every time Jesus wandered too far from the back door after they returned home.

And then I look at it from Jesus’ viewpoint. Did He even realize His parents had left? Was He so engrossed in being “in the zone,” where He felt closest to Home that He was unaware of what day it was? He wasn’t being disobedient, for His parents never said, “Come, Son, it’s time to go,” and He didn’t respond with a whine, “Do I have to?” Was He just being a boy, acting like a boy/almost man, not to think about how this would affect His family?  Or was He unconcerned, for He knew He was safe, and He knew they would be okay. He’s not responsible for their emotional well-being. No codependency there!

How did Jesus respond to His mom’s accusation? He was actually surprised they’d been searching for Him. He knew where He was; why didn’t they? He didn’t apologize or self-defend. He put it back on her. “Didn’t you know . . .?” Was Jesus being inconsiderate? Unkind? (I don’t think so, for as the Son of God, I believe He could do no wrong.)

How was Jesus at age 12 a reflection of the Father’s heart? Here was an opportunity to spend time with His real dad. Here was a chance to listen to and receive instruction from the seat of power and authority and instruction in His dad’s holy Scriptures. THE WORD was hearing about the Word as a growing, learning, almost-teen-age human.

Relationship and truth with God are more important than even human relationships. “I MUST be about my Father’s business; I MUST be in My Father’s house; the Son of Man must suffer; the Gospel MUST first be proclaimed to the Jews; I MUST preach the Kingdom of God to other cities; The Son of Man MUST be delivered into the hands of sinful men and be crucified, and the third day rise again; all things MUST be fulfilled; you MUST be born again; so MUST the Son of Man be lifted up; we MUST worship Him in spirit and in truth; I MUST work the works of Him that sent Me; other sheep I MUST bring in.”

“Must” feels like a divine appointment that Jesus kept, but I still feel the story through His mother’s eyes.

So Many People!

Posted on by under Choices

Journal 2016

There are not enough hours in the day to pray for or develop and maintain a relationship with every person I know. I’m working on getting to know my immediate neighbors, but just when I made a good solid contact, they moved. Arrghh! How do I apportion my time wisely between friendships and acquaintances? I could spend 100% of my time with one client and it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy her need. A phone call a couple hours a month is all another relationship needs in order to remain best friends.

God orchestrated the Apostle Paul’s travels and people he connected with, and Paul had to be obedient. Even his jail time was used by God. How much control do I have over my relationships and time vs. how much does God control it? I’m only responsible for my part, not His. I have to trust Him to bring into my life exactly whom He wants me to talk to, spend time with, and minister to. If I’m moving forward, He can guide me.

A 2024 Update. I just returned from Florida where I reunited once again with my childhood boarding school classmates from around the world. As we reminisced over the last 70 years, the bonds only got stronger, but I don’t have time in my schedule to maintain daily contact with each one. People come into our lives for a season, and now it’s time to refocus on those whom I sit beside at church or chat with at the grocery store checkout lane. But these brothers and sisters will be forever in my heart.

Relationship with Adult Children

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, Motherhood

From my 2009 Journal

I’m still learning what is appropriate and what isn’t in relationship with an adult child under our roof. Is it reasonable to expect our daughter to pick up after herself in family living areas? To help with the dishes? With cooking? With cleaning the house? And if she chooses not to, how do I approach the subject with her? I realize communication at this point can be tricky. My expectations and desires for a neat and tidy house must be subservient to maintaining relationship. Therefore, I am far more tolerant of mess than I would be if I were still trying to train her.

Child-training was like using all my strength to pull three girls in a wagon who are pushing and shoving and fighting each other. If I insisted they get out of the wagon occasionally to walk on their own or help push a little, they whined, “We’re too tired!” (Well, so are the parents!)

The trouble is when children get comfortable in the wagon, they expect you to bring their food to them and clean their play area even though they’re old enough to clean it themselves, and you trip over the toys, and have to clean around them. Where did I go wrong in my parenting that my training didn’t stick?

Now that they’re grown and living with us, it’s time to drop the wagon handle. The challenge is not to become resentful or nagging when they don’t join me in household chores.

While living in a college dorm, our one daughter discovered firsthand what it felt like to have a roommate who never cleaned up after herself in the kitchen. So when she came home, I was delighted to hear of her intentions to help out more with the dishes. So if she’s too tired to help out for a couple days, do I hold her to her good intentions? Do I feel resentful when I return home to find breakfast dishes still in the sink? So she slept late that day, worked the entire day, and ran out of energy before the work was done after supper . . . (welcome to the grownup world, kiddo!) I do not fault her, but I do have to figure out what is an appropriate response.

Jesus says, “Whistle while you work.” Praise Him that I have two arms and two hands. Praise Him that I’m not in a wheelchair and unable to stand at the sink. Change my attitude and enjoy the brief time I have with my daughter. She’ll soon be gone, and I’ll miss her.

A 2023 Update. Now that my girls have homes of their own, it’s fun to watch them struggle through the challenges of training rambunctious boys to put away their clothes or help in the kitchen. And when they come to Grandma’s house for a visit, chaos reigns for a few hours or days and I love them all. But when they go, tidy returns. I guess you can’t have it both ways!

Relationship with Adult Children

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, Motherhood, Peace

From my 2009 Journal. I’m still learning what is appropriate and what isn’t in relationship with a newly-adult child under our roof. Is it reasonable to expect our daughter to pick up after herself in family living areas? To help with the dishes? With cooking? With cleaning the house? And if she chooses not to, when is it permissible to speak to her about it? I realize communication at this point can be tricky. My expectations and desires for a neat and tidy house must be subservient to maintaining relationship. Therefore, I am far more tolerant of mess than I would be if I were still trying to train her.

Living in a dorm situation she discovered firsthand what it feels like to have a roommate who never assists in the kitchen. So when she came home from college, I was delighted to hear of her intentions to help out more in the kitchen. But if she’s too tired to help out for a couple days, why do I hold her to her good intentions? Why do I feel resentful when I return home to find breakfast dishes still in the sink? So she slept late that day, worked the entire day, and ran out of energy before the work was done after supper . . . I do not fault her, but I do have to figure out why I feel what I do and what is an appropriate response.

VISUAL: As a young mom, I had three girls in a wagon, and I was pulling with all my strength, trying to get them to follow me. If I tried to get them out of the wagon to assist or to walk on their own, they whined and cried “We’re too tired!” and then they pushed and shoved and fought each other. What am I doing wrong?

How did a friend of mine get her children out of the wagon and behind the thing or in front to help? I don’t know. I just know that I have to quit pulling. It’s time I drop the wagon handle and walk away. There’s work to be done. The trick now is not to become resentful or nagging or whining myself.

The trouble is when people in the wagon get comfortable there, they begin to expect you to bring their food to them and clean the playpen for them. But now they’re old enough to clean their own area . . . and they don’t, and I trip over the toys and have to clean around them. It’s a perpetual issue with a husband too (sorry Scott). Relationships are messy!

I feel so many times like a Martha. Lord have mercy, and God forgive me!

So . . . I can “whistle while I work.” Praise God that I have two arms and two hands. Praise Him that I’m not in a wheelchair and unable to stand at the sink. Change my attitude and enjoy the brief time I have with my daughter. What’s a little mess matter when I can have her company. She’ll soon be gone and I’ll miss her.