Tag Archives: Self-righteous

Navigating Legalism

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, God, Peace, Scripture

Journal 2005

Our Pastor preached through the list of kingdom qualities in Matthew’s Sermon on the Mount and asked which quality we needed to focus on. I chose “avoid judgmentalism.”

The Pharisees [hypocrites] honor Me with their lips. But their heart is far from Me. But in vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrine the precepts of men. (Matthew 7:6)

Here’s my definition of judgmentalism based on this passage: A self-righteous attitude about how others conduct themselves—usually because I don’t do this “sin” myself. And often the “sin” in question is regarding a tradition of man rather than breaking a direct command of Scripture.

Want some examples?

  • Women were forbidden to wear pants at the college I attended.
  • Red lipstick was considered worldly in my childhood culture.
  • Going to the movie theatre was a no-no.
  • Dancing was definitely in the category of sinful behavior.
  • Modesty was defined by skirt length.

Culture has a huge impact on this discussion. What’s modest for one culture is immoral for another. I think it comes down to the attitude of my heart. I can dress like a Puritan and not have a pure heart. The other end of the continuum is harder for me to gauge. At what point do I transition from a poor heart attitude to sin? Or is it a point? Can the discussion focus on the amount of material, or should the focus be 100% on the heart?

Next, I pondered the difference between a Pharisee’s judgment and the weaker brother’s judgment (1 Corinthians 8:11). In a previous church, the pastor urged us to refrain from a particular activity (fill in the blank here), so as not to offend a weaker brother, thus causing him to sin.

The Pharisee holds his standard of righteousness for his own glory. I don’t need to change my behavior to please him. The weaker brother (one who hasn’t been taught yet) has a desire for righteousness for God’s glory, and I need to respect him.

But there’s a third category of people to consider. 1 Corinthians 10:27 says, “If one of the Unbelievers should say to you, ‘This is meat sacrificed to idols,’ don’t eat it—for the sake of the conscience of the one who informed you.” Note that this unbeliever invites you to eat with him, so this conversation is in private—not referring to a system (which is where my mind goes with my former church). So then the observation [judgment, criticism] in this passage is coming NOT from a weaker brother, but rather from an unbeliever who “knows” the Christian’s standards.

To sum it all up, 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “Whether, then, you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

I cannot judge another person’s motives. I am only responsible for my own heart. I just know that I prefer hugging the mountainside over seeing how close to the cliff’s edge I can get.

A 2024 Update. Legalism with all its “shoulds” and “have-tos” had a strong hold on me for many years, but I don’t struggle with these issues anymore. God gave me a mind to ask questions and to search the Scriptures, and God’s answers have brought peace to my heart.

Judgmentalism

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, Inner Healing, Peace

Journal 2017

Two or three times in church today I found unwanted thoughts in my head—critiquing (I refuse to use the word criticize because I don’t want to go down that road) the person or event. We all do it—okay most of us do it.

It irritates me a little if a person says everything is perfect ALL the time. They are too delighted in everything—and then I realize as I say this, that all the people I know like this are sanguines—which I am not. Declaring everything is always perfect, good, and wonderful, feels disingenuous. It’s not reality. But neither is the doom and gloom of the pessimist. I’m somewhere in between.

What I don’t like is the unbidden thoughts I have regarding others. I used to judge and feel superior and all that nasty self-righteousness stuff. Now I just notice. But why, I ask myself, do I even need to notice? I guess the only way NOT to notice is to be blind.

Okay, I really must be honest with myself. It’s not the noticing that’s the problem. So what is it? Why does it matter? That’s where the emotion lies.

I find the memory and process it, and it feels better now. Noticing is okay; judging is unproductive.

Critical Spirit

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, God, Inner Healing

Journal 2010. One Sunday at church, I could feel something in my heart jabbing—scornful, critical, and judgmental—toward the man worshipping in front of me. Convicted, I closed my eyes and watched a visual unfold in my mind as I tried to refocus on the singing.

I saw myself walking down the central aisle in a heavenly church, dressed in a spotless bridal gown. As I reached the platform where God sat on His throne, His “train that filled the temple” enveloped me. Then He gently turned me around to face a great throng of worshippers, all dressed in similar white garb. I was no more special than anyone else in the audience. The man I had judged was just as pure, forgiven, and covered by the blood as I was. We were fellow travelers, fellow strugglers.

The lights dimmed low, but a spotlight picked out this man moving toward me. He extended his right hand of fellowship and reconciliation, and then he reached for Jesus, and they exchanged words of intimacy. I realized then that God had used him in a special way—unique to him, and I heard God say, “Let each esteem others better than themselves.” My self-righteous, critical spirit toward this man dissipated.

Why am I so taken aback when someone I hardly know comments, “You are so critical!” What words are coming out of my mouth that are hurtful, analytical, cutting, or nit-picky? Is this how others see me? Really? Ouch! Lord, change me!

I have never taken kindly to criticism. We “perfect,” one-on-the-enneagram people like to think we never do anything wrong. We aren’t rebellious, vindictive, or cruel on purpose. We want to please and placate and follow and do right all the time. “Miss Goody Two Shoes” is our nickname*.

Being a critic, however, can be both a blessing and a curse. The gift is I can quickly discover what’s wrong and try to correct it. Some children throw a party if they get 99% on a test, but not me. I focus on the one I missed and want to know the correct answer, so I can get it right next time. The “curse” is that it leaves no room for grace or for seeing the good in people. Is that behavior temperament-driven or woundedness—something inside that craves attention, achieving goals, or pleasing a professor? I don’t know where the roots are.

Unfortunately, this habit translates into observing character flaws in my loved ones. I was a cheerleader when my girls were learning to walk but became their worst critic when they didn’t perform at school according to my expectations. I hear God’s Spirit gently whispering to me: “Room for growth.” Instead of looking at a person as a complete, finished, having-arrived performer, celebrate how far he or she has come. And instead of seeing how far short they are of the bar of perfection, the paradigm shift is to see how much room they have to grow.

I’m not sure this takes care of every critical thought, but it’s one piece. Perhaps it will give me space to be less than perfect. I have room to grow.

If we could see ourselves as other see us . . .

If we could see others as Jesus sees them . . .

*Being called Miss Goody Two-Shoes was originally a compliment, not a derogatory term. “Goody” was the little girl’s name in the story, not a description of her behavior.

A 2021 Update. I’ve worked diligently over the past few years on curbing my inner critic. I hope and pray I am a kinder, gentler person both toward myself and toward others. And if I am the recipient of criticism, I am quicker to forgive and not put up a shield of defense. I can only hope and pray that those I’ve hurt have found healing for their own souls. I’m truly repentant.