Journal 2006

I have always struggled with decision-making. I remember as a preschooler feeling paralyzed in front of a long row of bowls while my mother urged me to hurry up and choose something for lunch at a cafeteria. How could I possibly decide between all those delicious options? What if I asked for fried chicken and later wished I’d chosen the pasta dish? What if I regretted passing up my chance to taste shrimp? I needed time to weigh each option in my mind and imagine tasting each selection on my tongue.

Even today I have trouble making up my mind. I’ll try on a dozen outfits in the dressing room and walk out of the store empty-handed. This is why I like to take one of my daughters with me when I clothes-shop. I trust their judgment better than mine.

Or take gift-giving. The never-ending loop in my brain runs through all the scenarios of “what if?” until I give up and pass the chore onto my husband to decide.

In answer to my prayer for release from worry, the Lord took me back to a little story I read as a child.

Two boys were selling bushels of apples at a fruit stand. The first boy placed his largest and best apples on the bottom of his basket, whereas the second boy put those beauties on the top. The second boy got the best business that year, but the first boy had the best business in subsequent years.

Lesson: It’s not about decisions; it’s about integrity. It’s not about choosing “a” over “b” but about right versus wrong. Be trustworthy in my decisions. Always choose right. No worries.