Category Archives: God

Bad Mood Thunderstorm

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, God, Inner Healing, Peace

Journal 2005

With a satisfying morning behind me, as I entered the room with a smile on my face, I immediately sensed a shift in the atmosphere. This person’s bad mood challenged my response.

I see a dark cloud swirling above her head. Since she’s cold and damp and miserable, no wonder she grumbles and complains. (Or does she relish the attention she gets from her drama?) Anyway—what is that to me? The problem is, I can’t get near her, or I’ll get drenched too—or worse, get zapped by the lightning coming out of her cloud. I confess I prefer to avoid prickly people, but if I do, I forfeit relationship and I can’t help them.

As I pray about my dilemma, the Lord says, “Wherever you are, rest in the eye of the storm, and the swirling wind about you will push her rain away so that you can draw near. You don’t have to be affected by her weather patterns.”

Lord, keep me in the center of You.

AI generated photo

Temptation to Pride

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, God, Scripture

Journal 2006

The tug of my human heart says I have the same temptation toward pride, the same bent, as Satan himself. I want to be like God. I want the universe to revolve around me. I want glory. Like the Apostle Paul, I want to shout, “O wretched man that I am; who shall deliver me from the body of this death [idolatrous desire]?” (Romans 7:24).

My visual is that I’m at the center of a circle, craving the world’s honor and praise. Though I want to experience significance, I don’t want this idolatry of self.  I want to echo John the Baptist’s words: “He must increase; I must decrease.”

Paul viewed himself as a slave of God (the Master of the Mansion, a perfect gentleman who looks after and cares for His servants and who gives good gifts according to their service for Him.) Kitchen maid or head chef, butler or chimney sweep—we all have our jobs to do. If we do it with a complaining spirit, we shift the focus to the idolatry of self. If we serve with gratitude and love, our load feels lighter. We’re driven to excellence. We want the Master of the Mansion to look good. Shining the gold on the newel of the banister becomes an act of worship. Fetching His slippers is a privilege. We adore Him. Why? Because He makes each one of His servants feel significant. He catches our eye. He notices. “Nice job on the newel, Charlie. Thank you for remembering to feed my dogs, Susan. I love you, Karen.”

But there are other metaphors: “No longer do I call you My servants, but My friends (John 15:15). You are My bride (Isaiah 54:10). I bought you with a price (I Corinthians 7:23). You were sold for nothing, and you shall be redeemed without money” (Isaiah 52:3).

And we remember who we were and from whence we came. And we gladly, gratefully, joyfully enter into a love relationship with our Rescuer.

But then that niggling question comes—how did we get into the slave marketplace? How did we end up in the prostitute’s parlor? And we blame God. He created us, didn’t He? It’s His fault for bringing us into existence in the first place. And we face that universal question, “Why was I born?” Just so He could have more slaves? How bitter is that?

But no. He wants relationship. “He satisfies the longing soul and fills the hungry soul with goodness” (Psalm 107:9).

“Will you be My bride?” asks Jesus. I have searched for you, I have found you, I have courted you. Will you say yes? I will exchange your dirty garments for clean, bright white ones. I will give you a crown worthy of a queen.”

And in humility, all pride gone, I bow prostrate at His feet. I am unworthy. He deserves all the glory, the honor, the praise.

Coronation Day is coming. Preparations are in the works. I want my heart to be ready. I want to complete the tasks He’s given me to do in preparation of the wedding day and His coronation ceremony.

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Chance or Choice?

Posted on by under Choices, God

Journal 2006

Some days when you play a game, the cards fall in your favor. Other times, no matter what you do, the cards go against you. Is that random chance or does God control the cards? But there’s a certain amount of man’s choice, too, such as how many times you shuffle the cards.

Take the following example. In the last month or two, the dollars began flying out the window—most of it not by choice, but by circumstances beyond our control.

  • Our air conditioner compressor goes out.
  • Our washing machine dies.
  • My Cutlas Ciera needs two new tires.
  • My CD burner dies.
  • I need a root canal.
  • Our youngest daughter needs some expensive health tests on her thyroid.
  • She falls at Fall Creek Falls and messes up her body.
  • She bumps her head, hard, on the car and begins to experience headaches.
  • She accidentally catches a strap on my rearview mirror and the mirror comes off the windshield, taking some of the glass with it.
  • She experiences her first flat tire.
  • And her first college school bill is due.

More cards to shuffle:

On Sunday evening, just as our five-day-Intensive client left, our middle daughter walked in the door after being gone for a week.

On Monday I started a new job.

On Tuesday I need to do the following:

  • Clean house, do laundry, shop for groceries.
  • Get new tires.
  • Be home for computer repairman and windshield repairman.

On Wednesday, I will need to get up very early to take my husband to the airport, meet with a client all day, and host a pool party for my ladies’ Bible study group in the evening.

But circumstances started changing, like cards falling right. Both the computer guy and the windshield repairman postponed, my middle daughter was here to clean for me, and she also offered to drive her dad to the airport. My youngest daughter’s thyroid test came back negative, and God miraculously healed her. A young man drove up and offered to change her tire.

Good-bad-good-bad. Each bad can actually be good—it all depends on your perspective. If a tire was going to blow, better on a back road in Murfreesboro than on the freeway. It might be the catalyst for preventing an accident later on.

But think of this: clearing Tuesday’s schedule for these two repairmen puts them coming on Thursday afternoon instead. That’s okay IF our client is finished by that time. Otherwise, it could be a double interruption. Is it God’s plan to destress my Tuesday, or Satan’s plan to interrupt Thursday? Not to worry. God has all things under control.

Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, says he sees life as two parallel tracks—good and bad running side by side. There’s always good happening, and there’s always bad. Even in the worst-case scenario, there’s something to be thankful for.

What Does It Mean to Abide in Christ?

Posted on by under God, Scripture

Journal 2006

I hear the words “Abide in Me,” but I need a visual to make them more concrete. I picture myself in a hollow tree (if you know my affinity for trees, this should not surprise you) with a door and some windows in the trunk. It’s cozy inside, and I can rest (abide in Christ), or work if I choose, tidying up my space.

The inside of the tree is lined with a bread-like substance that I can munch on when I’m hungry. It always replenishes itself. And water? No problem. There’s a fountain of living water in the center.

When doubters peer through my windows, I can choose to believe their lies or I can tell them to go away. When I reject them, angels take their place to guard me.

In this visual, the tree house does not represent salvation. I could choose to step outside of the house—but there is no protection there from the elements and from the wolves. Better to stay inside and trust God to bring people to the door so we can fellowship with each other, and I can teach them the lessons I’ve learned.

If Jesus asks me to, I’m willing to leave my safe, cozy shelter. But first I must arm myself with the weapons of warfare, the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit. Why would I venture outside the tree? There are a few lost souls who are too weak to crawl to the door, and I need to find them, carry them to my house, and nurse them back to health. I may have to hand-feed them until they’re strong enough to feed themselves.

A 2024 Update. I may need to rethink this metaphor. I was processing life through a codependency grid back then, believing it was my job to rescue people. If I’m abiding in Christ, aren’t I taking my treehouse with me wherever I go? But why do I need warfare weapons if I’m inside my house? What other visual would help?

The Mystery of the Godhead

Posted on by under God

Journal 2006

Do you ever wonder: If Jesus is encapsulated forever in some sort of bodily form, how will we each get a turn to see Him in heaven? We perceive Him now with our mind’s eye or our imagination.

Here’s a crude analogy: our pastor speaks in one sanctuary, but we can see him on screen in another one. Right now, here on earth, we each see Jesus on a screen in our mind. We don’t see the literal Jesus but rather what our individual, personalized screen perceives.

What about the Holy Spirit? If Jesus is “out there” projected in front of me (or beside or behind or above me), then the Holy Spirit is inside me, looking out. But how can the Holy Spirit be everywhere at once? Don’t tell me, “Because He’s a spirit.” Do I have one part of Him in my heart? Or do I have all of Him? My mind can’t wrap around “I have all of Him.” But I can grasp, “I have the part of Him that is meant for me, personalized.” And my part is part of your part—all the same Being—so that when two believers meet, their spirits recognize The Spirit inside each other, and they rejoice.

So . . . in terms my mind can grasp, when I sit down to pray, it is not sacrilegious to picture it thus: Jesus is sitting comfortably on a pillow in front of me, talking to me face to face. I often don’t have much to say, so I let Him do most of the talking. But He delights to hear my stories, too, and He wants me to share with Him my day and how much His gifts bring me joy. Sometimes, when I’m praying for someone, I don’t know what to pray for. And that’s when the “eye” (the part of the Holy Spirit inside me) says, “Well, I know all things. I know what this person needs. How about I talk to Jesus for you?”

And Jesus says, “Oh, and I have an ‘in’ with the Father. I’m praying for you, you know.”

And I ask, “Show me the Father,” and He says, “I AM the Father, because I and My Father are one.”

Confusing?! It’s like the Father is a cloak that surrounds Jesus; only He’s not “wearing” the Father. It’s like Jesus’ skin is the Father. They are one. Or . . . Jesus is the Father with skin on.

Whew! I’m out of words and images. I won’t truly understand till I get to heaven and see Jesus face to face (however that works) and that’s okay.

Fashion Rebellion

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, God, Inner Healing

Journal 2016

I have been rebelling against fashion since I was in junior high boarding school. While girls were begging to wear shorter skirts, I insisted on lowering my hems. One day in home economics class we learned what colors supposedly looked good together. Apparently orange and pink was a no-no (this was before the crazy ’70s entered the scene). One of my classmates dared me to put together a clashing skirt/blouse combo and wear it to breakfast that morning. I felt proud that I had enough guts to go against established rules of fashion and confident enough in who I was to pull off the faux pas.

But, to my chagrin, one of the Aunties pulled me aside to inform me that my wardrobe choice was a less than desirable combination of colors.

“How could she think so little of me?” I thought indignantly. Even when I told her that I wasn’t ignorant, that it was done on a dare, the damage in my soul was done. I felt embarrassed where before I felt confident.

I take this emotion to Jesus, and He smiles.

“Why are You smiling?” I ask.

“I love that you have self-confidence to be who you are. Never mind the Auntie. She didn’t know. She was simply trying to be helpful. Wear whatever you choose—with confidence.”

I wish I’d known this the year we were on furlough for my junior year of high school. Someone kindly donated their rejects to the poor missionary barrel, and I ignorantly donned a dress that apparently was out of style. One ill comment, and I never wore it again.

What I choose to wear reflects who I am, and to which master I serve. I want to be confident in who God made me to be.

A 2024 Update. Admittedly, I still have poor fashion sense and find it helpful to take a daughter along with me to shop for clothes—though I maintain the power of veto. I tend to follow my mother’s advice: wear only what’s comfortable.

I made this dress in 1975. This really was in style then!

Pharisees and Hypocrites

Posted on by under Choices, God, Scripture

Journal 2016

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else . . . (Luke 18:9 NIV)

I am a recovering Pharisee. I identify more with the law than with grace, with Martha more than Mary, with the big brother rather than the prodigal son, with self-righteousness over God’s righteousness. God, help me!

Had I been at the synagogue the day Jesus healed the crippled woman, I would have been the Pharisee condemning Jesus for working on the Sabbath. That is my natural, Adamic nature, the old man, of the world. Yes, I’ve come a long, long way, but I’m not there yet—and won’t be until I get to heaven. Whenever I think I’m “better than,” I’ve crossed the line into self-righteousness.

So, I explore this thought:  If I choose wisely (the God path), does that make me better than those who choose to resist God? My flesh says, “Yes, thus making me superior.” But that is arrogance. Scorn does not become me. Disgust or rolling the eyes or looking down at someone—how can that be a good choice?

I am responsible for my own faith, my own choices, my own reactions, and responses. I don’t know another person’s heart—not really. We are each accountable to our own master—be it God or Satan or money or pain.

Since I’ve chosen God as my master, then I only answer to Him. It is not my job to judge another person’s choices. I might notice that they’ve chosen a poor master, and I can urge them to reconsider their path, but they may be bound in chains and may not know that freedom is available to them. Why get upset and rage at them for not opening their eyes—when they are truly blinded by the god of this world and cannot see until the God of Heaven opens their eyes.

But God has set me free from the law of sin and death. He gives light and life and freedom. No more condemnation, judgment, pride, or superiority. Let God be God and me the chiefest of sinners whom God has redeemed.

You will never understand the heart of a Pharisee unless you realize that he sees the plank in his eye as belonging to others. (Erwin Lutzer in his book Who Are You to Judge?)

On Doubt and Faith

Posted on by under Emotions, God, Scripture

Journal 2016

 “They did not believe it [the resurrection]” (Mark 16:11 NIV).

 “They did not believe them [the 2 men on the road to Emmaus] either” (Mark 16:11).

 “Jesus rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen” (Mark 16:14).

Why is it so hard to believe someone else’s testimony? And when evidence is right there in my face, why do I refuse to believe it? What makes me dig in my heals and deny the truth? Everyone (including Mary, the ten disciples, and eventually Thomas) finally believed when they experientially saw Jesus with their own eyes.

I suspect fear is at the bottom of it. When I’m working with clients with D.I.D. (Dissociative Identity Disorder), the denial parts might say, “If I believe it happened, then I’ll have to admit it was real.”

“Then what?” I’ll ask.

“Then I’ll feel overwhelmed (. . . or scared . . . or someone might find out . . . or I’ll be killed).”

I wonder what lie the disciples believed that kept their denial part in place: “It’s too good to be true (. . . or I can’t let myself feel hope for fear I’ll be disappointed).” I think that’s it. Jesus’ death was a HUGE disappointment, an overwhelmingly painful loss.

Yet when Jesus met them, He didn’t encourage them like He did when someone was fearful. He rebuked and chided them for their unbelief. According to I Samuel 15:23, stubbornness (ASV) rebellion (KJV) presumption (ESV) defiance (HCSB) is as the sin of witchcraft. Apparently, there was an element of demonic control or attachment that perhaps got planted at their point of pain. Jesus doesn’t need to dig around in their psyches to help them discover why they’ve dug in their heels. He bluntly rebukes them.

God is patient with our struggles, our fears, and our doubts, but He’s not so patient with lack of faith. How many times did He say, “O ye of little faith?” There’s no pointing of fingers here. I’m plenty guilty myself. But my heart strongly desires to root out all stubbornness, rebellion, and lack of faith.

I’m currently reading books on the neuroscience of the brain and wondering how to meld that knowledge with Jesus’ words.

The women at the tomb believed as soon as the angels spoke truth to them. The men, however, continued to doubt when presented with the evidence (the women’s testimony and an empty tomb). The disciples on the road to Emmaus couldn’t seem to grasp the truth, and Jesus rebuked them. Even when the disciples saw Jesus in the room, and the joy center of their brain was activated, they had a hard time believing.

We know that the brain is a complex organ—different parts of the brain are responsible for different functions. The occipital for eyes, the amygdala for emotion, the frontal cortex for logic and reasoning, and memory resides in a different part.

Jesus created the human brain. He knew what part of the brain was being accessed during fear (Peter walking on the water; the disciples in the storm on the sea of Galilee). He knew that the frontal cortex shuts down during a fight/flight/freeze situation. Yet He seemed impatient with them: “Why do you doubt? Why do you have so little faith? Why don’t you believe when the evidence is in front of you that I’m alive? Stop doubting!”

What makes us doubt? Is the emotion center too strong? Are there lies imbedded in that emotion? Once truth enters the brain, doubt and fear flee. Jesus understood all this, so was He really impatient or was He challenging them to accept HIM, the truth, the way, the life?

I think women often believe more easily than men. Perhaps that’s why Satan appealed to Eve first. Is that because our emotion center is more active than our reason center? Was Jesus instructing these men to get in touch with their emotional side? Women are also more apt to be duped, more gullible. I know I am.

Lord, help my unbelief.

Peace

Posted on by under Emotions, God, Journaling, Peace, Scripture

Journal 2017

If I recorded only my struggles, you’d never know about my good times, the peaceful days. If I only recorded good memories and words of praise and gratitude to God, you wouldn’t know of my struggles, and you’d think I was a saint. Neither is true. I resonate with Paul’s words, “For in my inner being I delight in God’s law” (Romans 7:22 NIV). This may be referring to the Law of Moses, but I see it through Jesus’ words, the Law of Love: Love the Lord Your God . . . and your neighbor as yourself.

I love the Word of God, and I love THE WORD Himself. He is my only source of true joy, the author of my peace, my motive for loving my neighbor.

I don’t often record my praise and gratitude because they are a given—they bubble up inside me. But maybe it would be a good exercise to write them down as well. David did.

My praise, my worship, doesn’t sound like today’s music, nor does it sound like David’s. My praise is more contemplative, quieter, a simple thank you. It’s standing in the rain, arms raised to the heavens, drinking in the warmth and the water, dancing with Jesus, following His lead, a graceful ballet of love and appreciation.

“The mind . . . governed by the Spirit is life and peace” (Romans 8:6 NIV). One follows the other. Spirit-control yields peace. Spirit-non-control yields unrest.

Today I am at peace, at rest.

Seek God, Not an Experience.

Posted on by under Emotions, God, Scripture

Journal 2016

The apostles performed many signs and wonders among the people . . . people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter’s shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by impure spirits, and all of them were healed (Acts 5: 12-16, NIV).

Peter, the man who denied Jesus three times, is now performing miracles of healing. Why didn’t this happen while he was walking with Jesus before the ascension (aside from the time when Jesus sent the disciples out to the villages two by two)? Why now? The answer is the Holy Spirit. Peter didn’t ask for it. It was a gift, donated, conferred upon him—according to God’s design.

I lay to rest once and for all the notion/teaching that I’m missing something because I don’t speak in tongues, raise people from the dead, heal sickness and disease, or handle snakes without getting poisoned. I can cast out evil cosmic beings because—and only because—the person wills it to be so and because the demonic forces have been defeated at the cross.

I have no power in myself to do diddly-squat! It’s by God’s very will and choice that I draw breath and move and have my being.

It’s like I’ve been standing around with my palms up, asking to receive whatever God has for me. Instead, He says, “Just get to work! Quit standing around. When and if I offer you something, you’ll open your hand or reach for it in obedience. If you refuse a gift, then you’re being rude or disobedient. It’s not so polite to extend your hand to demand that someone give you a gift!”

Then the high priest and all his associates who were members of the party of the Sadducees were filled with jealousy (v. 17).

“And don’t be jealous,” God adds, “if I give a gift that you want, or think you deserve, to someone else. I know exactly what gift(s) you need—best for you and best for Me. Now get to work and enjoy what I’ve given you!”

A 2024 Update. I wrote this in 2016 in response to the emotion stirred up when someone claimed all believers were supposed to practice all the gifts. This week I previewed a book by Neil Miller titled Agents of Healing. Miller states that we all have authority to heal physical ailments, but we don’t all have the same power to do so. And that with practice and experience, we can increase our faith to do so. His arguments are well laid out and biblically and experientially verified, but I’m still mulling over whether or not we’re all commanded to practice all the gifts.

Miller sites the times when Jesus cast out demons without the person’s involvement or consent, but as God incarnate, He knew the innermost workings of a person’s heart and the plan of the Father to bring Him glory. In my ministry of inner healing prayer, I’ve found that involving the person’s will makes the process a whole lot easier.