Tag Archives: Rest

On Rest

Posted on by under Scripture, Peace, Emotions

Journal 2019

Many years ago, at a former church, our brave choir director decided to lead our ragtag group in Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus. Unfortunately, some were following the sheet music instead of watching the conductor, so when he miscounted the hallelujah repeats at the end, several in the choir failed to follow his lead. Those who were watching our leader stopped on cue, withholding the last required note before the pause. What ensued was not a grand and glorious waiting of our collective breaths before the final crescendo, but a weak, disruptive, frown-producing squeak by the few who weren’t watching. I could see the pain on the director’s face as he later berated us for not keeping our eyes on him and following his lead. I don’t think he ever realized he was at fault for miscounting, but the choir was at fault for not watching him. Thus, the piece was marred and flawed. It lost its breathless anticipation before the grand and glorious conclusion.

Rest is not about doing nothing. It’s recovery. It’s anticipation. It’s the silent beat before the final hallelujah. It reminds me of the passage in Revelation 8:1 (Net). “Now when the Lamb opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.”

Sometimes resting is harder to do than acting.

Lord, in the coming year, teach me to keep my eyes on You, my conductor. I want to follow You no matter what I see written in front of me. If You change things up, then I trust You. I want to remain in step with Your baton and make beautiful music together for the Kingdom.

Further thoughts

As I started to brainstorm the topic of rest, I came up with this list.

  • There are rest notes in music.
  • Rest is needed after an injury.
  • One must rest after a race, exertion, or a battle.
  • We’ll receive final spiritual rest in heaven.
  • Rest means a mental break after concentration and before the next activity.
  • In physics, it refers to an object being stationary relative to a particular frame of reference.
  • The Hebrew word for rest is nuach. It means “to rest, to be quiet, to cease.” (e.g. Shabbat)
  • In Greek, the word is anapausis, which means “cessation or refreshment.”

Webster defines the verb to rest as:

  1. To cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength. Ease up, slow down, unbend, unwind, recharge.
  2. To be placed or supported so as to stay in a specified position. For example, her elbow was resting on the arm of the sofa. “A still point of peace.”

Hymn: Jesus, I am resting, resting

Sunlit bedroom with open window, garden view, armchair, towels, and white bedding
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To Do or To Be?

Posted on by under Emotions, Peace

Journal 2019

It’s either feast or famine it seems. While I’m out of town visiting my daughter who just gave birth by C-section, I’m at a forced standstill with my to-do list. When I return home, it will be a marathon of catch-up work, racing the clock. I’m a little antsy, and I realize I’m doing my typical Enneagram One dance.

I said to my daughter, “Give me your list of things to do while I’m here.” (i.e. That’s why I came—to help you do stuff you’re not supposed to do yet—housework, laundry, driving, etc.) “I’m a doer,” I said.

And she replied, “But I’m a be-er, and the way you help me the most is by keeping me company.”

This scenario reminds me of when she was little, and I told her to clean her room. She wanted me to sit with her while she sorted, but even then, her style of cleaning looked like this: “Oh, here’s a paper that reminds me of this, and here’s the story behind it.” And half an hour later, she’d moved one more piece of paper.

So, what is this inner drive in me that wakes up with a to-do list in my head and believes I’m wasting time if I don’t accomplish my goals within a set time frame? Home from boarding school on vacation one year, I set a goal of climbing 100 different trees, and I did it! Another time I decided to do 1000 sit ups in a row. I paid for it with a raw tailbone.

My word for this year is rest, but I’m not sure how well I’ve followed through. Even here with my daughter I’m not resting by choice but by default. I can feel this antsy-ness in my chest—this pull, drive, compunction to get up and do. It’s not a bad thing; it gets things accomplished, but it’s certainly not peace.

I feel like a racehorse at the starting gate, nervous energy growing inside me. I am created to run but required to stand still. If there’s no race, then I don’t need the nervous energy to shoot me out of the gate. That leaves me to leisurely chat with the other horses.

Three days later

I feel a little lost at sea, a little disoriented. The stars are gone, and it’s cloudy, so I can’t navigate by the heavens. My mind tells me, “Just look at the compass—Jesus is True North.” But I’m spinning and tossed about, and I can’t get the rudder to work. I’m too tired to navigate. Easier to just drift for a few days before getting back into the saddle—now there’s another metaphor! I’m saddle-sore and need to stay put by the campfire and rest a while. Did I mention that I’m tired!?

Saddled racehorse standing beside numbered starting gates at dawn

Balancing work and rest

Posted on by under Emotions, Peace

Journal 2018

I find it a constant battle to still my jiggling foot, slow down inside, and be still. I’ve always been a goal setter: schedule a task, get it done, move on to the next. Without a looming task or goal, I get antsy. I feel unproductive, for there’s no measurable outcome, nothing tangible to check off my list. That hurry-sickness drive propels me forward to accomplish things, but it leaves tension in my neck, back, and shoulders.

When I do manage to achieve inner stillness, I experience growth and restoration akin to the sleep cycle of my day. Somehow, I need to find a balance between work and rest.

Resting is sitting on a snow sled at the top of a hill, anticipating the ride of my life, then whizzing down the slope until I come to a full stop. Exhilarating! Rest, pause, let the rush wash over me, then collect my sled, hat, and scarf and trudge back up the hill to repeat the cycle. Rest is that pause between reaching my goal and preparing for the next one. I don’t ride all the time, I don’t climb all the time, and I don’t stay in the rest phase all the time.

A 2026 Update. I watch my adult girls and the frenetic pace they keep trying to balance children, work, and home chores, and I remember the angst of that season of my life. I’m still a list-maker, but I’m in the sweet spot where I can still climb the mountain and still enjoy the ride down. With a few more years behind me, however, my aging body and gained wisdom dictate that I require more rest time at the bottom of the hill!

On Overload

Posted on by under Emotions, Inner Healing, Peace

Journal 2018

So it happened again. Four people today leaned on me for help and support. I love ministering to hurting people, but this was overload with no breaks in between. The hike I took helped—except for the chigger bites which are driving me crazy. I put repellent on my ankles, but I never thought to put it on my waist and elbows. Sigh.

Lord, how did you recover when the crowds became too much? I suspect you were a perfect blend of introvert and extrovert, yet You withdrew alone at night. But how did you function the next day? I need You close today, Lord. I can’t do this on my own.

VISUAL: I am a Kool-Aid container at camp, and the sweaty campers keep lining up to drain me dry. I’m a vessel, created to hold refreshment for others, but I can’t do my job if the container is empty. I know there is an endless supply of Kool-Aid, but I cannot do anything to refill myself. I wish the Kool-Aid filler would hurry up! I can’t control how much He pours in and how much the campers deplete me.

The Lord comes and lifts the container (me) and takes me to the kitchen where I get a good cleaning, inside and out. I’ve been sitting in the sun too long, the sludge starting to accumulate, and I wasn’t providing a safe and cool drink anymore.

I am now resting and drying on the counter, while I recover. I’m not ready to return to work, but I can trust the Father to keep me here till it’s time to return. Meanwhile, He sets a different jug down in my spot. Now the kids won’t get thirsty.

On Struggling

Posted on by under Emotions, Inner Healing

Journal 2018

As I pray through a long list of people I know and love, it strikes me that every one of us struggles with something.

The chick struggles to break free of its shell. The caterpillar turned butterfly struggles out of its cocoon. The fetus struggles to exit the birth canal. The tender shoot struggles to push through the hard ground. Even the Messiah struggled.

Struggling implies hardship, straining, work, motivation, conflict, wrestling, effort to free oneself from restraint or constriction, achieving something new in the face of difficulty or resistance. Struggling strengthens us, proves us, and tests what we’re made of, and the effort is worth it when we reach the end of the race or resolve the conflict.

There is a time, however, when struggling is counterproductive. Sometimes God waits for us to stop struggling in our own power before He frees us. It’s when we relax and acknowledge our limitations that we find our greatest growth.

What has struggling taught you?

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Breathe … Just Breathe

Posted on by under Emotions, Inner Healing, Peace

Journal 2018

For months my brain has been trapped in a hyperdrive carousel, spinning round and round, up and down, speeding then slowing. It’s been fun, but I’m ready to get off. I’m weary and sad and long to return to a place of peace. I need stillness, a sanctuary. If I move to a park bench, I’m afraid someone is going to approach me to engage in conversation or ask me to play frisbee with them.

Lord, I invite You into this picture.

Jesus hits the off switch, and everything stops. Dizzy and disoriented, I collapse, unable to move. When I finally recover, I toss onto that spinning mass my schedule, my to-do list, my shoulds and ought-tos, my needs and commitments. Like little kids, if they don’t hang on, they’ll fly off and get hurt. Not my fault, but while they want me to kiss their boo boos and fetch their band aids, all I want to do is be by myself, not entertaining a passel of kids. I want to be alone with Jesus, away from this noise, clutter, and movement, but there’s nowhere to go in this park.

Jesus says, “I’ll give you a cone of silence.” (Remember the show Get Smart?) I step inside of Jesus (see Acts 17:28), and He closes the door. Suddenly everything is still and quiet. I can still hear muffled sounds, but there’s plenty of room to stretch out. There are even books on a shelf within reach. When He moves, I move, but it’s fluid, not jerky. I don’t have to make decisions.

I hum Chris Tomlin’s song “Where you stay, I’ll stay. When you move, I’ll move.” Only I’m not following Him. I’m in Him. I don’t choose where we go. It just is. I can feel my whole body relaxing. I didn’t realize my protective guardian had been so in charge. In fact, now I see that guardian had been wearing all of his armor. Before I could step into Jesus’ heart room, he had to check everything at the door, clad in just a tunic. There’s no space for all that clunky metal here where it’s soft, pillowy, and safe.

Breathe. Just breathe. Relax. Curl up in a feather bed. Sleep.

AI-generated

Be a Tree

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, God, Inner Healing, Peace, Scripture

Journal 2018

Two days in a row I rose from my bed feeling weary. Is this mild depression? Driven to get some fresh air and exercise, on Saturday I donned a light jacket, packed what I needed for the day, and headed to the Greenway. I snapped some photos and tried not to think. Just walk. Bare trees and brown hues dominated the landscape in the winter chill. I saw a red-headed woodpecker, two fat robins, some ducks on the water, a cardinal, and several squirrels with nuts in their mouths. Under one overpass, I was shocked to see how high the water had flooded at some point. Leaves twined tightly around branches above my head.

Returning to the trailhead, I sat on a bench to rest, but my body felt antsy, jiggly. As I tried to relax, I heard God say, “Be a tree.”

“But a tree doesn’t move!” I exclaimed.

“Precisely.”

A tree. Rooted. Still. Unmovable. Sturdy. Stable. Allowing the animals to come to me. I don’t have to find them; they will find me. Just be. Be still and know that I am God. Be still. Be still.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:7 (NIV)

In awe of this simple injunction from the Holy Spirit, I began to walk again. But it wasn’t enough. I could still feel the dread of having to be “on” at my next meeting.

I came to another bench warmed by the sun and stretched out on my back. I needed to release whatever load I was still carrying. In my mind I saw a steel cord across my chest with weights on the ends, holding me down. I heard the word responsibility.

Again? Still? Why do I keep struggling with this?

I asked the Lord to cut the cord or remove the balls, and surprisingly He refused.

What? A weight too heavy for Him to lift? I don’t understand.

“OK, Lord, do it your way.”

And I watched as He lifted the cord a few inches off my chest, suspended lightly on His index finger. Now I could choose to stay or to move. That felt better.

And so I walked some more.

“Is there more, Lord?” I still feel tired in my soul.

Then I saw a closet door. When I opened it, a mass of material goods tumbled out. “What a mess!” I cried. “I don’t have the energy to clean it up and sort through the pile.”

“Your decision-maker is tired,” He said. “It’s time to sort and tidy your environment. You’ve been living in clutter and chaos in your home for six weeks now with Christmas, company, family messes, extra meals, and three big projects completed in three weeks. Your office and sleeping space are not restful or peaceful. It’s time to take back your place and create a peaceful environment.”

“That I can do,” I thought. And with that, the oppressive, heavy feeling began to lift.

“Be a tree. Be still. Look to Me to make your decisions. Declutter and find peace once more.”

All during church the next day I tried to process, to rejuvenate, to just sit and soak in God’s presence. I visualized a part of my heart like a squirrel scampering around the tree, so many branches to explore, unable to settle. Then I saw one branch overladen with fruit (and perhaps some excess stuff) drooping to the ground. It represented my to-do-list responsibilities, my ongoing projects, my schedule, and my ministry relationships. It represented the month of January and the burdens I’ve been carrying. I knew the little squirrel needed to stay away from that branch, but he lusted after the fruit. Perching on another branch on Sunday meant trying to focus on other things for a while, but that simply did not work. And so, I gave up the escapist, self-disciplined route to focus on what it might feel like to venture out onto that over-burdened branch. I was afraid it would snap and fall to the ground, and the fruit would rot before it could ripen.

And that’s when I saw a metal bar (God’s strength) underneath the branch supporting the weight. Now the squirrel could perch on the bar and still reach various fruits without breaking the whole limb. That felt a whole lot lighter and safer.

The next morning, I felt more rested and alert instead of groggy and grumpy. And that evening I did not get overwhelmed when we hosted a Super Bowl party for our entire family. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. Psalm 1:3 (KJV)

Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow. His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon. People will dwell again in his shade. Hosea 14:5b-7a NIV

Back-paddling at a Waterfall

Posted on by under Choices, Emotions, Peace

Journal  2006

I’m feeling peevish today—I need a week to work uninterrupted. As an introvert, I thrive on solitude, but for the last month, I’ve had to be “on” with people—either needy ones or as company in someone else’s home. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my life, but I just need a break from it. When others around me are struggling, it affects my mood. I feel like I keep giving and giving without getting replenished.

In the River of Life, I would prefer to float on my back and watch the sky. Instead, I’m back-paddling at the top of a waterfall.

When I finally stop rowing, I fly over the waterfall with a God-given parachute. But at the bottom, my boat spins in an eddy, and I white-knuckle my grip to keep from capsizing or slamming into the rocks. I’m in survival mode and must remain vigilant for more rapids ahead. This wild ride is no longer exhilarating or fun. I’m cold and wet and want to get out and dry by a fire.

Endurance. Perseverance. Steadfastness.

I feel the weight of people’s woes and my responsibility to meet their needs. I feel the burden of maintaining friendships and working to contribute toward our family’s finances. I could spend all day at the feet of Jesus, but the house won’t clean itself, and the food doesn’t cook itself, and I have to think about my health, prayer obligations, books to read, goals to accomplish, and, and, and.

Balance. Rest. Pleasure.

I’m a linear thinker who knocks off my to-do list one item at a time, but relationships, interrupting phone calls, and the messiness of life get in the way.

I think it’s about losing control. I used to have control over my own life, but now I live at the mercy of other people’s choices. It makes me feel lost at sea without my oars.

Jesus asks my permission to handle the oars. All I have to do is sit and watch and wait, He says. When He commands, “There’s a fish; let down your net,” I obey. And when He says, “It’s time to rest,” I can lie down on the cushions and sleep, knowing He is in charge. And sometimes He hands me a Karen-sized oar and says, “Now paddle hard!” because we’re about to go over some rapids.

A 2025 Update. Reading this entry makes me tired! I am in such a different place now emotionally. I am at peace, unhurried, at rest. Perhaps my circumstances have changed, but I suspect I’m simply at a different place in my healing journey as a recovering co-dependent.

Burgess Falls

Needing to Rest

Posted on by under Emotions, Peace

Journal 2006

Yesterday was a test of endurance. Three people called to unload their woes on me. Then last night I didn’t know that our middle daughter was coming home to spend the night, and I could hear her rattling around the house till 2:30 a.m. At 4:30 a.m. I heard a terrific cat fight. Since K-C is an indoor cat, I didn’t think much of it, but the noise fully woke me, and I got up because I was hot. That’s when I discovered the back door was ajar and the porch light was on. The neighbor cat shot out the door leaving his sprayed male scent and fur on the floor and a terrorized K-C. For the next seven hours I tried to return to sleep without success. I was burned out from the night before, trying to get ready to teach my first class.

K-C did not last long at our house!

I think I handled the first interruption okay, worse with the second, but by the third, I just gave up and gave in. I had to quit thinking and start preparing for the class and wing it with what was left in me.

I need a Sabbath day of rest! One month with family, holidays, company, starting a new job, and driving our youngest to college leaves me with no downtime. I want to be a little bird, soaring on the wind, or a duck peacefully floating on a warm pond with the breeze ruffling my feathers. I want to be a cat, content to curl up in my mistress’s lap and go to sleep, knowing my needs will be met. I want to jump onto the highest counter to escape the world and survey the humans below. But when I do, I see the mess the world is in. Too much pain, heartache, and stress, and my world has been crazily spinning out of control, off on tangents instead of staying on its axis.

Peaches, our current feline

Am I crazy to take on a teaching job again? What was I thinking? But the offer dropped in my lap after I asked God to supply our needs. He’ll have to help me juggle my time. I’m through worrying about it. Meanwhile, how to get my body rested and my mind to relax … I’ve been on a treadmill for too long, and I need to get off. I’ll have to WORK at resting!

I need balance. Demands or requests for my time from other people collide with my to-do list. Are interruptions always about God’s timing? Are they sometimes Satan’s interference? How does one discern which it is? I know that people need to come before things in my priorities, but what if the “thing” is a service for someone?

When someone calls, for example, wanting prayer, do I stop what I’m doing to minister to them? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. If I’m on my way to a meeting at church and I get a phone call, do I forgo my small group time or, like last night my commitment to nursery duty, to process with this person? No, I can say a quick prayer for them and urge them to make an appointment. It’s okay to manage my time.

On the other hand, like today, I was at home preparing for my class when I got three phone calls that interrupted me—each needing a listening ear. One I gave my full attention to; the second only half-heartedly, and the third I put off till later. Should I have done that? I burned out by the end of the day. Had I rested long enough from my work to minister and pray, I might have gotten more work done.

A 2025 Update. I learned better balance from my days of imbalance. I learned that your crisis is not my emergency. I learned to listen to my body and, most of all, my emotions that drove that imbalance. It’s better to be at peace than to have to pick up the pieces.

Psalm 36

Posted on by under God, Inner Healing, Peace, Scripture

Journal 2003

The broken and bruised Little One lurched forward onto the desert stones, her parched lips whispering a desperate, “Help.”

A large-winged, iridescent creature glided swiftly from the sky, casting shade over her limp body. In one motion, he lifted her high above the earth. The wind cooled her fevered brow, and she slept. When she opened her eyes, they were soaring over a mountain and descending into a lush green valley where she spied a ribbon of river sparkling in the sunlight.

The creature landed gently near the entrance to a cozy cottage. As if on cue, the heavy oak door swung open, and a kind-faced, elderly gentleman reached for her as her spindly legs crumpled beneath her.

“Come in, my child,” he invited.

A warm glow from the fireplace revealed a table spread with a feast beyond compare. Exotic fruits and colorful vegetables spilled artfully around platters of venison, quail, and racks of lamb. Never before had she seen such abundance.

“You may eat all you want, but only a little at a time, as much as your stomach can handle.” And he began to feed her from his own hand. When she had eaten her fill, she fell asleep at the table, dreaming of lamb chops and fresh fruit and homemade bread.

The next morning, she awoke in a bed of feathers, refreshed but weak. Where was the old man? She wandered outside to explore. There by the cottage ran the river she’d noticed from the sky. And in the middle, standing chest-high, a young man beckoned her to join him. When he saw her fear, he waded to shore, offered his hand, and led her close to the edge where she tested the water with one toe. Surprised at its warmth, she allowed him to pull her further in, waist high. The mineralized liquid soothed her aching muscles and cleansed her wounds of the poisons. Finally, she plunged completely under and came up splashing and laughing. The dirt and the grime of a lifetime dissolved into a rainbow of bubbles. The man smiled, enjoying her fun. She could have stayed in this River of Delight all day, but the man had more he wanted to show her.

“Come,” he said—in the same tone the old man had used.

Curious, she thought.

He wrapped a soft towel around her shoulders and handed her a robe. Strangely unselfconscious in his presence, she slipped out of her dirty rags and let the shimmering white garment fall neatly to her feet, covering her bony frame.

“It’s beautiful!” she murmured.

She followed him down the path and around to the back of the cottage. A kaleidoscope of color met her eye. In the center of the garden stood a massive fountain with flowers and vines of all varieties growing out of its walls. A stone bench circled the base of the fountain where small pilgrims could climb to reach the water or the elderly could sit. The man reached for a dipper, scooped up some of the pristine liquid, and held it out to her. Again, she felt fear surging up from deep within.

“It’s safe,” is all he said. And she drank. And she felt life in her bones, and her flesh felt restored, and her spirit revived.

For a year the Little One stayed in this valley of paradise, learning lessons from the Master Teacher, until one day he spoke these words:  “You are strong enough now, my child, to venture forth. Invite others to come here—but you must show them the way. And if, like you, they’re too weak to travel by foot, simply call, and I will send my winged spirit to carry them here.”

And the Little One, strong in the power of His might, went forth and gathered in the lame, the blind, the broken, the bleeding, and the wounded, and brought them to the feet of the Master. And they, too, experienced fullness of joy in the River of Delight. And the cottage swelled with happy voices—but was never full—for there was always room for one more. And the Fountain of Life never ran dry.

Psalm 36:7-9 NIV

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!

People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

They feast on the abundance of your house;

you give them drink from your river of delights.

For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.

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