Journal 2019

I realized today that I’m taking on someone else’s angst. This will never do. I have my own busy schedule today with complications and double bookings and close friends who are struggling. I see the Ping-Pong-in-the-closet syndrome, my rising panic on my friend’s behalf.

I open the closet door and let all the balls spill out onto the floor, hundreds of little white balls bouncing and settling into corners. I’m not sure where to begin, where to step. “Overwhelmed,” is how my friend described it. Of course, I’ve been there, done that: I freeze or go into a frenetic pace to get everything done in time. I haven’t felt this angst in a very long time.

I want to help, but it’s not my closet this time or my Ping Pong balls. My friend is a master planner and organizer. She’ll figure it out. She just needs help getting all these balls picked up and into the right boxes.

So what is keeping my anxious feeling at the forefront?

I see birds flying around inside my heart castle. If I try to catch them, they fly away, leaving poop everywhere. They’ve got to go.

I open a few windows, fling some bird seed outdoors, and shine a light in that direction. One bird’s name is Panic, but there’s another one whose name is Doubt. This one is harder to capture and release. Doubting what?

Doubt splats against the glass of a closed window. I clap a cardboard box over it and hand the box to Jesus, who delivers it to an angel waiting at the door.

I feel calmer now, ready to be a steady rock for my friend.