Journal 2019
My mind is zigzagging, refusing to focus. I usually cope by simply following each track and letting it go: dates on the calendar, my to-do list, texts to answer, a rainstorm while helping my daughter move. I don’t feel at all anxious, just busy in my head. So, I read a Psalm to help me focus. Nope, still not there. I need a visual.
I see piano keys. The melody choices I can play are endless. I make my own schedule but … But what? I see Jesus on the bench beside me. Am I following His lead, or is He filling in the chords with my melody? Somehow, they intermingle: the free will of man intertwined with God’s will–Romans 8:28 at its finest. And so today I schedule events the best I can, asking God to guide my fingers.
Lord, I want to make beautiful music with You. I don’t want my notes to clash with yours or our hands to collide in the process. I can’t do your part and You’ve assigned me mine. Help me to listen well, in sync with your hands.
As chaotic as this day started, it just got crazier.
Our eldest daughter is moving to Nashville, and since my husband Scott was scheduled for an afternoon appointment in Nashville, he offered to transport some of her things to her new apartment. But first he needed to study for his Sunday school class, so I volunteered to go to the old apartment early in the morning to pick up our daughter’s things, including a large square bookcase. I managed to lug it downstairs by myself in the pouring rain and into my car. I drove home and transferred everything to Scott’s car. But just before he left, he got a call from the Nashville office saying the doctor couldn’t get into work due to flooding. Next, the church called to cancel Scott’s class.
Now what!
My middle daughter was going to visit her sister the next day, so she came over, and we loaded everything into her car except for the bookcase (which wouldn’t fit, so back into my car it went!)
In the midst of all the moving parts and pieces, I prayed by phone for 45 minutes with a client who was in crisis. What a day!
It’s now two days later, and I still can’t seem to catch my breath. I go from one meeting or deadline to the next without enough alone time to catch up. Yesterday was particularly long with clients from the moment I awoke to when I put my head on the pillow. This schedule is a stretch for my task-oriented self, and today is no better.
I need help, Lord, staying centered and in tune with you. There’s a lot of noise in my head right now.
“Stop!” He says, as we come to a roadblock in the road. Jesus takes out a picnic basket and a blanket, and we climb out of the car, choose a grassy place under a nearby tree, and rest in the shade till the road is cleared. Just for this moment, my focus is on Him. That helps.
“Today,” He says, “I want to teach you about timing.”
I’m listening.
“There’s an unseen world that your cognitive brain cannot know, but I can speak to your spirit. Stay in tune with Me and I will guide you. Let’s make beautiful music together.”
